while we were away

While Luke and I were away on our 24 hour trip to Dallas, Madelyn had a blast with Grandma and Aunt Rachel. The proof is in the pictures.

For the record, her onesie says, "My aunt is my BFF". I wonder who dressed her??

I am pretty sure that it is obvious that she didn't miss us much. However, it melted my heart when we walked through the door and she clapped. I love that little girl so much and I am thankful that we have such wonderful family that is willing to take good care of her when we go out of town!

evidence

I was scanning through my iPhoto looking at pictures from the last week so that I could catch up on blogs and found four that were taken last Wednesday that made me laugh. In all four of them Madelyn is in to something that she shouldn't be. It's evidence that this little girl is all over the place and leaves nothing unexplored.

She pulled my purse off the bar, found my wallet and was pulling out change.

Once I took that fun away, she climbed under the table and was licking the floor (gross!).

Later, while we were at church I caught her sneaking some Starburst from the snack bar.

Right after I put the candy away that she dug out, I turned around and she was trying to stick her hands in the fans!

These pictures are definitely evidence alright. Evidence that Madelyn's days of staying in one place and out of trouble are a thing of the past!

Luke's Birthday

Thursday was my sweet husband's birthday. He is the big 25 now (woo-hoo for cheaper car insurance)! He had some meetings to go to in Dallas so I decided to tag along. After going back and forth a thousand times, I finally convinced myself to leave Madelyn with my sister and mom so we could go childless. She had a blast (more on that later) and so did we.

There were about 15 other student pastors that Luke was meeting with to brainstorm and plan for camp next summer. When they were done meeting the first night I met up with them to go to Medieval Times.I definitely remembered it differently from when I was in middle school but we had a good time! How can you not enjoy terrible acting (our knight did win though!) and eating with no utensils in a smelly horse arena when you are with crazy student pastors? I have decided that their homes all must be as lively as ours. It comes with the territory I guess. Luke had never been so he had no clue what to expect. It was definitely an "out of the norm" birthday celebration for him!

After dinner we stopped at a Steak and Shake across from our hotel and had a little dessert!

One word: delicious!

Luke wanted to continue the entertainment that we enjoyed during dinner over in to our dessert time. He has some pretty awesome skills that would make any wife proud.

Happy Birthday Handsome!

i love this girl

they say it's your birthday

Happy Birthday to the craziest, most handsome, passionate, goof ball of a husband...Madelyn and I love you, old man!

{simple pleasures}

There are few (if any) greater simple pleasures for me than a day at home with Madelyn. We play pat-a-cake, read books, sing songs, snuggle, make a mess in the kitchen, take baths, unravel whole rolls of toilet paper, laugh, fold (and unfold) laundry, clean, enjoy and count down the minutes until Daddy comes home together. Some days seem long. Others too short. But each one is a pleasure.

A simple pleasure that I don't take for granted nor would I trade for anything in the world. No job. No amount of money. I am right where I am supposed to be for now and I love it.

Thank you Mister for providing for us.

More like you.

I love this little girl more than I could ever possibly begin to convey with mere words typed on a page. Sometimes it feels as though my heart is beating out side of my chest. I can't imagine anything happening to her. When she doesn't feel well, my heart aches. When she is smiling, I am full of joy. Recently she has begun to understand what "no" means (and we have been saying it a lot more lately). The majority of the time, she stops what she is doing. She knows not to climb on the stairs. We tell her no. She does it anyway. One or two times she has fallen. It's hurt her before yet she continues.

Over and over again God has used that beautiful baby girl to teach me about my relationship with Him. His word is a guide for my life, yet so many times I am disobedient. I know the truth. I know His best for me. Yet I willingly disobey. Despite the fact that sometimes it hurts me, I catch myself doing it again.

I find myself relating to Romans 7:15, "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate".

Just to be transparent, the last month has been hard for me. Thinking that Madelyn was well, then having to start CPR on her. The out of town doctor's visits. The financial stress. Watching Madelyn undergo tests. The waiting game. Being told she has central apnea. Then that she doesn't. Then that she does. More waiting. Then finding out that the very thing that is supposed to notify us if she quits breathing wasn't working for nearly two weeks.

Needless to say, I haven't handled it well. My heart aches. I stay up until all hours of the night busying myself. I end up doing the very things that I know are wrong. I try to rely on myself. Quit spending time in the word. I end up being short with the people I love the most. I end up doing the very things that I hate.

Just as I hate to watch Madelyn do something that I know will hurt her, I can only imagine how my heavenly Father feels as I do the very things that He and I know will ultimately hurt me and those around me.

Today I had to make a very real effort not to scream at the apnea monitor provider after finding out it hadn't been working. Seriously. I became so angry (out of total fear I am sure...not that I am making excuses at all) that all I wanted to do was go up there and lay in to him like I never have before. Thankfully, I didn't. I know I would have regretted it. But unfortunately, that's where my heart was at that moment.

I am thankful that Madelyn is a living, breathing example to me. That the Lord uses her to teach me and mold me in to the mom, wife, woman that He wants me to be. That through my relationship with my daughter, I am able to get a tiny glimpse in to His relationship with me.

Mold me Lord. Make me more like you.

Aunt Kenda came to town!

Despite Madelyn having her fourth ear infection, she had a fun weekend hanging out with her Aunt Kenda. She came in town Friday night and we all planned to ride to a baby shower in Dallas together on Saturday. Madelyn and I weren't able to join them because she was feeling pretty yucky. We got her in to the doctor Saturday morning and they confirmed the ear infection. I felt so bad for her because I have attributed all of her symptoms to teething this week. Thankfully we were able to get her started on antibiotics and she even perked up a little bit today.She spent the morning playing with Aunt Kenda. She showed her all of her little tricks and was quite the ham.

She loves her Aunt Kenda so much that she even sported green and gold to match her.

Come back soon Aunt Kenda! Madelyn misses you already!

different...but what's new??

She's always trying to be different.Ever since she was a tiny little thing, Madelyn would flip her pacifier around in her mouth with her tongue. Now she leaves it that way. Nine times out of ten, if it's in her mouth, then it's upside down!

There are so many cute and quirky things that she does that I simply don't want to forget.

an overdue update

Madelyn is teething like a champ. She has three teeth trying to push through all at the same time up top. I feel so bad for her. It's created quite the drool/snot fest for the last few days. Disgusting? Don't think that's news to me. It's super gross.Madelyn's even started to think that her bulb syringe is one of her favorite toys. Ha!
We got a phone call Wednesday afternoon from the Pulmonologist. He said that just about every thing looked perfect on the sleep study except one episode that appeared to be central apnea. The reason it's hard for them to make a conclusive decision on what actually happened is that they have nothing to compare it to (because it was the only time it happened that night) and because it was 1 second shy of "true apnea". Her oxygen saturation dropped rapidly and all other signs pointed to apnea though. He then proceeded to tell us that central apnea is when the brain forgets to breath. The most common "next step" would be to do an MRI since it is a neurological issue.

Due to the fact that it only happened once during the sleep study and it wasn't "true apnea" they were having a hard time determining what to do. This afternoon after a couple of confusing (and frustrating) conversations with the pediatrician's office, the Pulmonologist's office and the company that provides the apnea monitor we finally have a plan as far as what comes next. The DME that provides the apnea monitor is going to Fed Ex all of the downloads to the Pulmonologist on Monday. More than likely they won't show anything more than what was seen the night of the sleep study. If that is the case Madelyn will remain on the monitor for at least two months while she sleeps. If there is more cause for concern, an MRI will be done at Medical City in Dallas.

My stomach was in knots all day. We waited two days to hear more information and I knew I didn't want to go in to the weekend without getting more information than we were given Wednesday. The Pulmonologist's office, which said they were going to communicate with the pediatrician, did not. That left us with a few hours where we were wondering if we were all talking about the same child. I unfortunately let it all stress me out and was snappy about everything. I hate it when I get like that. Then I made Pioneer Woman's Angel Sugar Cookies. Delish. But probably not the best reaction to stress.

Over the course of the last week I have felt peace and rested in the fact that I know Madelyn will be OK (except for my minor freak out session today of course). When we were told on Wednesday that the cause of the central apnea could be "one of several brain abnormalities or malformations", all I could think about was how right on target Madelyn is for her age. She's not behind at all so we knew that if there was a neurological problem, it couldn't be that big of a problem.

Matter of fact, I am pretty sure she is a genius (doesn't every parent? ha!). She's so smart that every time Luke and I start talking about working on her being in her crib, she pulls one of these breathing stunts because she knows it buys her a little more time in the king size. She's a smart one. It works every time like a charm.

I'm off to snuggle with my two favorite people.