For now, I am exhausted. Madelyn was too. She slept like this in the midst of all the commotion and laughter and family togetherness that was taking place around her tonight at my Grandma's house...
Lots of pictures to come tomorrow. Sleep trumps blogging tonight for this tired Mommy.
"If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." -Mom (my mom, your mom, the kid down the street's mom-it's just one of those things mom's say)
I knew I could not sit down for my daily dose of blogging until I got over the major pity party I was throwing for myself yesterday. I stayed in my pajamas all day (I did shower-but quickly returned to my pjs). Cried if you talked to me. Let terrible thoughts of "what ifs" and "should have dones" make their home in my head. I didn't really think that I felt sorry for myself, but I guess I really did. Mad even, that my precious baby girl continues to have these moments where she cannot breath. Moments that are scary and that we have no control over. Moments that make my heart sink and knock the breath right out of. I felt sorry for myself that I had to feel my baby limp in my arms and watch her, waiting for her color to return. I don't think those things are anything that anyone should have to witness, but they also aren't anything to dwell on either. I needed to let it go. Take care of my girl. Do my best to prevent another incident like that one and just move on.
I wish I could say that I handled it with grace. Sigh. I didn't.
Today is a new day.
Last night Madelyn's alarm sounded a couple of times but nothing to the extent of the night before. Her reflux is definitely progressively getting worse, but we will just take it in stride.
I didn't take very many pictures yesterday. Only 2 to be exact. Gasp. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and my baby girl, remember?? I did get this precious shot of Madelyn being read to by her MeeMaw Fee...She LOVES being read to...especially Dr. Seuss books.
She also loves her little floor gym. Notice her monitor off to the side. We are keeping her plugged in 24/7 for now. I know the doctor will probably say that is unnecessary, at which point I will ask him if he has ever held his limp child :) Just kidding...but actually I have already played the conversation out in my head. She has a fantastic pediatrician whom we love, but I know he doesn't like us to be so dependent on the monitor because it can be a pain. We are OK with the "pain" for now!
That wraps up the pictures from yesterday. I had some making up to do today (or at least you would think that I did considering I have already snapped a considerable number of pictures and it's barely past noon.
I was trying to take a picture of Madelyn playing and just happened to catch this one of her little face through one of the rings...
She is so full of energy in the mornings and will usually play for a couple of hours. I call this her "fake smile". She has been doing it a lot when I get the camera out...
Madelyn has started to discover her hands this week. It's so funny to watch. She just holds them out in front of them and examines them...
then watches them closely when she opens and closes them...and giggles in delight (I'm assuming) as she realizes that she made them do that.
It's pretty hysterical!
Every time I have tried to get a good video of her laughing, she stops. So this morning I propped the camera up to the side (that's why it's not a good angle and a little fuzzy), but I really wanted you to hear her sweet laugh. It is SO fun to hear her laugh and I would do just about anything to make her do it.
I think we may have discovered the secret to successful tummy time. By successful, I mean tummy time that lasts longer than 30 seconds before I have a screamer on my hands. Behold...tummy time meets TV time. Haha. Don't tell the American Association of Pediatrics...this girl would even do tummy time if it meant she could lay in front of the TV.
She was down there for about 15 minutes. Granted 10 of the 15 minutes were spent staring at the TV, not exerting an ounce of energy. It's a start though, right? She better soak it up while she is in OKC, because she can't see our TV from her tummy (unless she rolls over of course)!
She is really trying to sit herself up all the time and does pretty good with the help of her boppy!Right now she is taking her second nap of the day. I am so glad she is such a good napper. It sure does make for one happy baby!It sure feels good to be back from my pity party. We are enjoying another day with family...waiting for my sister to arrive tonight via the train...and realizing that each day will hold it's own set of challenges, but we have the ability to handle those challenges with grace and confidence knowing that ultimately, we are not in control.
Yesterday morning Madelyn and I drove my Grandma to the Presbyterian Urban Mission where she volunteers every week. When we went back to get her, Madelyn and I went in to say "hi" to all of Grandma's friends. One of the women in charge at the mission is from TYLER! Every time I go up, I like to go by to see my fellowTylerite. Laura was telling Madelyn that some day she would see her on top of one of the Rose Parade floats...we'll see how her daddy feels about that.
Madelyn has loved having a backseat buddy since we have been in OKC.
She and Beth have become fast friends. That came as no surprise considering that is who Emily always asks about when we talk about Oklahoma City.
If you are wondering why she is smiling so big in the picture below, it's because I told her we were going to Target. She got really excited. I think she takes after me :)
This seems to be the "new norm" lately. Give her a few "unattended" moments and she has her headband in her face. Every single time she does it, she just laughs and swats at it some more.
Stretching after a quick car ride home...
When we made it home from Target I had to get a good pic of her outfit. My friend Christy bought it for her and I love it. Not just because it says "cutest of them all", but the red, black and white!
"No more pictures, Mom!"
Madelyn loved having her Great Grandmother playing on the floor with her! These two really are quite the pair...
I think this week she is getting to meet more new people than any other week of her life (or her whole life for that matter). Last night she met her second cousin, John. He goes to OU and even though yesterday was his first day of classes for the semester, he drove in to the city to spend some time with Madelyn.
I think this video lets you know just how funny she thought John was...
I think the little one has just been soaking up all the attention. Trust me, there has been no shortage of attention for this little one since we arrived.
We had such a good evening hanging out with family. We were even able to Skype with Luke because the little one was still awake around 9pm. At about 9:30 we headed to bed.
She slept pretty good, waking up more than normal for feedings which is typical when her reflux is bothering her. She started to stir and fuss around 4 am (which lets me know she is ready to eat). She fed for about 10 minutes and I laid her down so that I could use the restroom. I usually unplug her from the long end of her monitor cord when I feed her at night so that it's not pulling at her chest and doesn't get tangled. I won't do that ever again. When I came back from the bathroom and picked her up she felt limp. Not just the way babies do when they are fast asleep, but truly limp. I turned on the light and she was completely limp and blue. My heart completely sank and I felt a wave of panic. I put her back on the bed and shook her a bit to try to stimulate her to breath and nothing happened. I immediately thought I might have to do infant CPR so I tilted her chin up and back. After a few seconds she took a breath. Her color went from blue to white to red and she pretty much looked out of it for about 5 minutes. No noises. Heavy eyelids. Just not really with it. Then she finally opened her eyes pretty wide and let out the biggest cry, which continued for about 45 minutes. I think my tears lasted a lot longer than that.
I know the doctor said it would get worse before it gets better. I know that there will probably be more episodes like this. I know that she is OK now. Yet my heart is still broken. I have seen her turn blue, but nothing to this degree. She was lifeless. Her entire face blue.
This morning I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I know that I shouldn't, yet I do. I checked my email this morning and had an email from a friend (that I have not heard from in over a year) and she just "felt the need" to send me a link to this song:
It's called "Be Still" -by Kari Jobe
Be still my soul. Be still and know He is good. He is here. He is here.
That is my prayer today. I know the One who is in control. Madelyn is happy and playing in her Great Grandmother's arms. We have much to be thankful for.
Madelyn's night last night was the best that she has had since we have been here! Her alarm did not go off at all. I just have to say, I needed that. I was beginning to let fear creep in on me. She had done so well and gone so long without any "episodes" and then it seemed like every time we laid her down she had one. She did have a minor choking/gagging spell during the evening time and took a long pause (which I think made everyone in the room a bit nervous) but it wasn't too bad. I'm just grateful for a night of no alarms.
I think she thought the last few nights of getting to be held by mommy at some point was fun because at about 2am she woke up...wide eyed and talkative. Her happy chatting would soon turn to whimpers. I told myself not to give in and pick her up until it was a cry. That's hard for this softy. As soon as she would cry I would sit up. You know what that little booger would do? Smile. The biggest ear-to-ear grin I have ever seen. I even think I heard a giggle one time. I totally got worked over by a nearly 4 month old. Her little game lasted about an hour. I know all the books say not to talk to them in the middle of the night so they will know it is not awake time...but I can't help it. Of course last night all I was telling her was that she was a trickster and that mommy needed some sleep. Apparently she didn't care.
This morning we joined my Grandma on her walk at the mall.I love when Madelyn makes this face...
I have only caught it on camera twice...but both pictures are pretty much priceless.
I have had my eye on the "My First Year" frame there for a while, but don't want to/can't spend $60 on it. I think I will buy a mat large enough and have it cut at hobby lobby in their frame department! I already have the perfect frame at home! That store has SO many good ideas.
I have also had my eye on this Pancake Pen from Williams-Sonoma. It's only $10 and I know it will be fun to use with Madelyn in the future.
After Madelyn's lunch time nap she and her Daddy talked via Skype (seriously-if you have out of town family, you NEED skype. All you need is a web cam and you can video chat for free!!!). I propped her up on her boppy pillow in the chair and she LOVED seeing her Daddy and hearing his voice.I know this next picture is blurry...but I love it anyway...She just kept her eyes on him and kicked and grinned the whole time.I know he misses his girl, so it was pretty neat to be able to talk to him AND see his face!Madelyn met another one of her second cousins today, Ryan. I think she knows when someone new is around because she kept looking for him when she heard his voice.Ryan and I are only a few days apart. It was kind of strange thinking about all the times that all of the cousins spent having slumber parties, running around the backyard and hanging out at Grandma's house...and here I am with one of my own. It seems a bit surreal. When does the "oh my gosh, I have a child" wear off? Or should it have already??Tonight (like most nights this week) Madelyn is snuggling with Grandma. She has been falling asleep much earlier than at home (like 6 or 7 and maybe waking up for an hour or so later in the evening) and sleeping until about 8am. Since I am not very good at "sleep training" (or better yet-haven't really tried) I think this trip will be good for her schedule!She sure loves her Great Grandmother. Something tells me the feeling is mutual.
So I have about 20+ pictures that I want to share from tomorrow. I know. It's a lot. I thought about making them into collages on my computer then transferring them to my Grandma's computer so that I could post them. Then I thought again. Since I don't really like to blog while Madelyn is awake, sleep overcame the collage making and blogging last night. And as for this morning...We've got more fun things headed our way! So, here goes...the day in pictures....lots and lots of pictures.
How can you resist?
I know everyone thinks their baby is the cutest but mine really is. Haha. I'm only joking. Well, sort of. Seriously though, these cheeks are just about as soft and scrumptiously squishy as they come. I could play with them all day...
Madelyn met some more new family this morning. My cousin, Matt, and his girlfriend, Emily, stopped by for a pancake brunch courtesy of my Aunt Nancy and to see the babe.
After about 20 minutes of Emily holding her just like this...
Madelyn was out...
She got some good snuggle time in and napped for over an hour in Emily's arms. I hope she continues to like new people. It's one of the things that I worry about with us staying home together, but I am sure once she gets older we will be out and about more!
Just waking up and saying "hi" to Matt...
Her swing has a reclined setting and an upright one. I put it in the upright position and let her swing that way for the first time yesterday and she loved it!
Can you tell??
I think pictures of babies yawning is just about the cutest (especially my baby of course).
She loves her Great Grandma. Every morning while we are eating breakfast they talk to each other and Madelyn loves it. She smiles and cackles and kicks her feet. It's so precious!
After taking this picture below I turned to put down the camera and reach for the video camera...
When I looked down again, this is what I saw. Notice she threw the bow over by the couch and pulled the head band over her eyes...She must have thought she was pretty funny because she was just laughing up a storm at what she had done.
Again with the adorable yawning...
Madelyn has really started to like playing with (aka trying to shove in her mouth) her rattles. This is one of her favorites thanks to my brother's in-laws!
Lately when I have Madelyn slightly inclined she LOVES to try to pull herself up. Well, until she realizes that she can't quite pull herself up...then she gets a little peeved. The solution...
She loved it! She did so great for about 15 minutes then she just hunched over and whimpered. Have I told you she is turning into a little drama mama? Because she is.
I love how whenever anyone walks in the door, within 30 seconds they are on the ground playing with the munchkin!
She eats it up!
Three nights in a row Madelyn has conked out while everyone else was eating dinner.
Beth and I decided we would give her a little pre-bed time bath.
She was all smiles and ready to go.
About half way through bath time Luke called because he was on his way home from church. That made me realize that it was just after 8. I knew what was coming. The little one started screaming like a mad woman because she was hungry! Oops. Yet another reason I won't win the mom-of-the-year award.
Once her belly was full she was all smiles again. Thank goodness :)
Right now we are about to head over to the mall to walk with my Grandma! It will be great to get out and around after a few days of dreary weather.
Follower of Jesus, wife of Luke, & mommy to Madelyn. I love photography, attempting to sew, cooking, creating new things, Uganda, am addicted to spray paint and drink too much diet dr. pepper.
Mr. Wonderful Himself
My high school sweetheart of a hubby who happens to be my best friend & the one who keeps me laughing constantly. He's the most passionate man I know. Loves Jesus, his family and good music.
The Light of Our Lives
Madelyn Kate, our unexpected little miracle. She's equal parts sweet, spunk and sass. We love her dearly and could not be more blessed!
Lots of pictures to come tomorrow. Sleep trumps blogging tonight for this tired Mommy.
She LOVES being read to...especially Dr. Seuss books.
That wraps up the pictures from yesterday. I had some making up to do today (or at least you would think that I did considering I have already snapped a considerable number of pictures and it's barely past noon.
She is so full of energy in the mornings and will usually play for a couple of hours. I call this her "fake smile". She has been doing it a lot when I get the camera out...
Madelyn has started to discover her hands this week. It's so funny to watch. She just holds them out in front of them and examines them...
then watches them closely when she opens and closes them...and giggles in delight (I'm assuming) as she realizes that she made them do that.
It's pretty hysterical!
She was down there for about 15 minutes. Granted 10 of the 15 minutes were spent staring at the TV, not exerting an ounce of energy. It's a start though, right? She better soak it up while she is in OKC, because she can't see our TV from her tummy (unless she rolls over of course)!
Right now she is taking her second nap of the day. I am so glad she is such a good napper. It sure does make for one happy baby!
It sure feels good to be back from my pity party. We are enjoying another day with family...waiting for my sister to arrive tonight via the train...and realizing that each day will hold it's own set of challenges, but we have the ability to handle those challenges with grace and confidence knowing that ultimately, we are not in control.
Laura was telling Madelyn that some day she would see her on top of one of the Rose Parade floats...we'll see how her daddy feels about that.
She and Beth have become fast friends. That came as no surprise considering that is who Emily always asks about when we talk about Oklahoma City.
If you are wondering why she is smiling so big in the picture below, it's because I told her we were going to Target. She got really excited. I think she takes after me :)
This seems to be the "new norm" lately. Give her a few "unattended" moments and she has her headband in her face. Every single time she does it, she just laughs and swats at it some more.
Stretching after a quick car ride home...
When we made it home from Target I had to get a good pic of her outfit. My friend Christy bought it for her and I love it. Not just because it says "cutest of them all", but the red, black and white!
"No more pictures, Mom!"
Madelyn loved having her Great Grandmother playing on the floor with her! These two really are quite the pair...
I think this week she is getting to meet more new people than any other week of her life (or her whole life for that matter). Last night she met her second cousin, John. He goes to OU and even though yesterday was his first day of classes for the semester, he drove in to the city to spend some time with Madelyn.
I think this video lets you know just how funny she thought John was...
We had such a good evening hanging out with family. We were even able to Skype with Luke because the little one was still awake around 9pm. At about 9:30 we headed to bed.
I love when Madelyn makes this face...
I have only caught it on camera twice...but both pictures are pretty much priceless.
I have had my eye on the "My First Year" frame there for a while, but don't want to/can't spend $60 on it. I think I will buy a mat large enough and have it cut at hobby lobby in their frame department! I already have the perfect frame at home! That store has SO many good ideas.
After Madelyn's lunch time nap she and her Daddy talked via Skype (seriously-if you have out of town family, you NEED skype. All you need is a web cam and you can video chat for free!!!). I propped her up on her boppy pillow in the chair and she LOVED seeing her Daddy and hearing his voice.
I know this next picture is blurry...but I love it anyway...
She just kept her eyes on him and kicked and grinned the whole time.
I know he misses his girl, so it was pretty neat to be able to talk to him AND see his face!
Madelyn met another one of her second cousins today, Ryan. I think she knows when someone new is around because she kept looking for him when she heard his voice.
Ryan and I are only a few days apart. It was kind of strange thinking about all the times that all of the cousins spent having slumber parties, running around the backyard and hanging out at Grandma's house...and here I am with one of my own. It seems a bit surreal. When does the "oh my gosh, I have a child" wear off? Or should it have already??
Tonight (like most nights this week) Madelyn is snuggling with Grandma. She has been falling asleep much earlier than at home (like 6 or 7 and maybe waking up for an hour or so later in the evening) and sleeping until about 8am. Since I am not very good at "sleep training" (or better yet-haven't really tried) I think this trip will be good for her schedule!
She sure loves her Great Grandmother. Something tells me the feeling is mutual.
I know everyone thinks their baby is the cutest but mine really is. Haha. I'm only joking. Well, sort of. Seriously though, these cheeks are just about as soft and scrumptiously squishy as they come. I could play with them all day...
Madelyn met some more new family this morning. My cousin, Matt, and his girlfriend, Emily, stopped by for a pancake brunch courtesy of my Aunt Nancy and to see the babe.
Madelyn was out...
She got some good snuggle time in and napped for over an hour in Emily's arms. I hope she continues to like new people. It's one of the things that I worry about with us staying home together, but I am sure once she gets older we will be out and about more!
Her swing has a reclined setting and an upright one. I put it in the upright position and let her swing that way for the first time yesterday and she loved it!
Can you tell??
I think pictures of babies yawning is just about the cutest (especially my baby of course).
She loves her Great Grandma. Every morning while we are eating breakfast they talk to each other and Madelyn loves it. She smiles and cackles and kicks her feet. It's so precious!
After taking this picture below I turned to put down the camera and reach for the video camera...
When I looked down again, this is what I saw. Notice she threw the bow over by the couch and pulled the head band over her eyes...
She must have thought she was pretty funny because she was just laughing up a storm at what she had done.
Madelyn has really started to like playing with (aka trying to shove in her mouth) her rattles. This is one of her favorites thanks to my brother's in-laws!
Lately when I have Madelyn slightly inclined she LOVES to try to pull herself up. Well, until she realizes that she can't quite pull herself up...then she gets a little peeved. The solution...
She loved it! She did so great for about 15 minutes then she just hunched over and whimpered. Have I told you she is turning into a little drama mama? Because she is.
Three nights in a row Madelyn has conked out while everyone else was eating dinner.
Beth and I decided we would give her a little pre-bed time bath.
She was all smiles and ready to go.
About half way through bath time Luke called because he was on his way home from church. That made me realize that it was just after 8. I knew what was coming. The little one started screaming like a mad woman because she was hungry! Oops. Yet another reason I won't win the mom-of-the-year award.
Right now we are about to head over to the mall to walk with my Grandma! It will be great to get out and around after a few days of dreary weather.
