Be still my soul, Be still

Yesterday morning Madelyn and I drove my Grandma to the Presbyterian Urban Mission where she volunteers every week. When we went back to get her, Madelyn and I went in to say "hi" to all of Grandma's friends. One of the women in charge at the mission is from TYLER! Every time I go up, I like to go by to see my fellow Tylerite. Laura was telling Madelyn that some day she would see her on top of one of the Rose Parade floats...we'll see how her daddy feels about that.

Madelyn has loved having a backseat buddy since we have been in OKC.

She and Beth have become fast friends. That came as no surprise considering that is who Emily always asks about when we talk about Oklahoma City.

If you are wondering why she is smiling so big in the picture below, it's because I told her we were going to Target. She got really excited. I think she takes after me :)

This seems to be the "new norm" lately. Give her a few "unattended" moments and she has her headband in her face. Every single time she does it, she just laughs and swats at it some more.

Stretching after a quick car ride home...

When we made it home from Target I had to get a good pic of her outfit. My friend Christy bought it for her and I love it. Not just because it says "cutest of them all", but the red, black and white!

"No more pictures, Mom!"

Madelyn loved having her Great Grandmother playing on the floor with her! These two really are quite the pair...

I think this week she is getting to meet more new people than any other week of her life (or her whole life for that matter). Last night she met her second cousin, John. He goes to OU and even though yesterday was his first day of classes for the semester, he drove in to the city to spend some time with Madelyn.

I think this video lets you know just how funny she thought John was...

I think the little one has just been soaking up all the attention. Trust me, there has been no shortage of attention for this little one since we arrived.

We had such a good evening hanging out with family. We were even able to Skype with Luke because the little one was still awake around 9pm. At about 9:30 we headed to bed.

She slept pretty good, waking up more than normal for feedings which is typical when her reflux is bothering her. She started to stir and fuss around 4 am (which lets me know she is ready to eat). She fed for about 10 minutes and I laid her down so that I could use the restroom. I usually unplug her from the long end of her monitor cord when I feed her at night so that it's not pulling at her chest and doesn't get tangled. I won't do that ever again. When I came back from the bathroom and picked her up she felt limp. Not just the way babies do when they are fast asleep, but truly limp. I turned on the light and she was completely limp and blue. My heart completely sank and I felt a wave of panic. I put her back on the bed and shook her a bit to try to stimulate her to breath and nothing happened. I immediately thought I might have to do infant CPR so I tilted her chin up and back. After a few seconds she took a breath. Her color went from blue to white to red and she pretty much looked out of it for about 5 minutes. No noises. Heavy eyelids. Just not really with it. Then she finally opened her eyes pretty wide and let out the biggest cry, which continued for about 45 minutes. I think my tears lasted a lot longer than that.

I know the doctor said it would get worse before it gets better. I know that there will probably be more episodes like this. I know that she is OK now. Yet my heart is still broken. I have seen her turn blue, but nothing to this degree. She was lifeless. Her entire face blue.

This morning I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I know that I shouldn't, yet I do. I checked my email this morning and had an email from a friend (that I have not heard from in over a year) and she just "felt the need" to send me a link to this song:

It's called "Be Still" -by Kari Jobe

Be still my soul. Be still and know He is good. He is here. He is here.

That is my prayer today. I know the One who is in control. Madelyn is happy and playing in her Great Grandmother's arms. We have much to be thankful for.