It's snowing! It's snowing!

This is what the little snuggle bug looked like at 9:30am this morning when she was waking from her slumber. She was so cute all snuggled up with her lovey bear...She slept in her swing in the living room so that she and Luke would not be disturbed by my constant up and down. I was so impressed with how well she slept for him considering our record the last several nights!

All day it has been either sleeting or snowing or both. The ground will turn white. The sleet will be mixed with rain for a while and the white will disappear. Then you look outside 30 minutes later and it is white again! Since I started to feel SO much better by mid morning, I thought it might be a pretty productive day around the house. I was wrong. I was pretty lazy for the majority of the day. My husband did accomplish something that I have been wanting to get done. He hung Madelyn's three month pictures on the wall above her crib. I bought each of those frames for $7 at Michaels on clearance...I am so proud of how they turned out!

Since moving Madelyn's nursery downstairs, we have not been able to do all the little finishing touches on the walls. I think he did an awesome job and I can't wait to get a few more things taken care of before I take pics of "Madelyn's Nursery Take 2".

For the last hour or so the snow has been steady and really starting to stick! I had to go pick up some prescriptions for Madelyn (I noticed she had thrush on top of everything else so the doctor called in a prescription for it) and had an "only in East Texas" encounter with the cutest little old man. "What is it with all you young people out fiddle fartin' around? I wouldn't be out if I didn't have to be but all you crazy kids are out piddle paddlin' and fee fartin' around town in these near whiteout conditions." It was all I could do not to laugh hysterically at him. "Sir, I would not be here if I did not need to get my daughter's medicine. I am here for the same reason you are and with all due respect, it's not really near whiteout conditions out there either." "You try driving without windshield wipers that work and tell me it's not like near whiteout conditions out there. Try it on your way home. You'll see. Then you wouldn't be saying that and you sure wouldn't be out fiddle fartin' around town." At this point the teenager behind the counter is pretending to straighten things behind the counter as he laughs uncontrollably at the conversation that just took place. I was at a loss for words. I was tempted to tell him to stop "fiddle fartin" and get those wipers replaced.

At the house, the near whiteout conditions made for quite the scene out the back windows...

Something about snow in East Texas turns adults in to giddy little children...

who "fiddle fart" around in it in their flip flops...and let their 20 week old baby try her first bite of (fresh) snow...I have read on several blogs from around the country lately of people making "snow ice cream" with all their freshly fallen snow. Since "real snow" is hard to come by around these parts, we thought we would give it a try. I have not had it since I was in junior high on a youth group ski trip. It was so yummy!

To make your very own snow ice cream you need:
1 gallon of fresh snow (not the lemon flavored kind as my sister put it)
2 cups of milk
1 cup of sugar
a touch of vanilla
Just stir them all together...and serve it up...The first 10 bites were awesome. Then sugar overload set in. It has been such a fun day of feeling better, enjoying God's creation and family.
I know the snow will probably be gone by lunch time but I look forward to taking it in tomorrow morning!

The past two days, I have not felt the best. I attributed it mainly to exhaustion. After the last 8 hours of being sick...I no longer attribute it to exhaustion. Yesterday Madelyn was not a good eater at all. She maybe ate for 5-10 minutes total all day which combined with the awful gas filled night she had the night before, led me to believe she may not be feeling the best either. When we made it home last night from running a few errands, a surprise trip to see Luke and the students at church and a quick visit with my parents...it hit me. It's never fun being sick...but being a mom and being sick=miserable (I don't know how single moms do it). I am pretty sure that despite the "March 24" date on the lunch meat I have eaten for the last two days (the duration so far of my feeling like junk), the green shiny stuff I discovered on it tonight probably indicates some lack of freshness.
My husband is amazing. He took care of the babe all night (who would naturally sleep right on through for her Daddy) so that I could hang out in the bathroom and rest in between. She is such a Daddy's girl already...

It's now 7am and I still feel pretty blah, but MUCH better than just a couple of hours ago. Madelyn took about 4 ounces in a bottle just a bit ago, so I am thinking she is feeling a little better too.

It just started snowing a few minutes ago. Unlike most of the country, it probably won't stick, but it is gorgeous while it lasts. Here is the view right now out the front door...

and from the deck out the back door...

I am hoping for a better day and considering boycotting sandwiches for a while. Or at least inspecting them thoroughly for shiny green stuff growing on it before partaking of it. Hopefully Madelyn eats better today. I am sure her little tummy did not like the shiny green stuff either. Sorry, Maddie Kate.

a little of this...a little of that

Monday night Madelyn did something that she has never done before. It's not exactly something she could have chosen to do for herself...but still something she had never done before. She slept flat on her back in her pack n' play. The last several nights she has been waking up throughout the night a little fussy and was not wanting to be put in her Nap Nanny. Luke suggested we try the pack n' play. I will be honest...I had my doubts. OK, so I pretty much told him it would NOT work, but put her in it anyway just to prove my point to give it a shot. Not only did she like it, she slept so peacefully! The best nights sleep she has had in at least a week!!! AND we woke up rested and ready to face the day!!!It was marvelous. Seriously. I could not believe she did not have any alarms sleeping flat on her back (as this usually makes her reflux worse). She was a bit more congested (also reflux related) but other than that, she was chipper and playful and back to her happy little self...Yesterday afternoon I went to Special Friend Day at my nieces' pre-school. It was so fun to see both of them in their classrooms with all of their friends. Emily's friends were so chatty and wanted to know everything about me. One of the little girls asked my why I did not bring my baby which was immediately followed by the biggest sneeze that left anyone in a six foot radius covered in yucky green stuff. I told her, "That's why. The baby does not need all those germs." She quickly replied as she licked her lips, "My daddy says the green ones are the best kinds to eat." Got to love five year olds! I helped ice cookies with Emily and make a Valentine's Day craft. After that I headed over to Alli's class where she was daintily licking the icing off of her cookie.Allison apparently already has a "boyfriend" and they give each other goodbye kisses. She's a looker, what can I say?

After a pretty low key evening with the hubs and the baby girl, I was thinking we would have a repeat of the night before. Lots of rest with Madelyn in the pack n' play. I was wrong. The poor thing had the most out of control gas that I have ever witnessed. She screamed out in pain constantly. The screaming fits were followed by the biggest toots you have ever heard a baby grown man let loose. Seriously. It was painful just listening to it. At about 1 am we gave up on sleeping in the bedroom and headed for the recliner. It was not much better in there but at least I could comfort her more quickly. She is still a bit gassy and fussy this morning, but I am hoping it passes soon (no pun intended...I promise).

I have a few projects up my sleeve this week. They aren't my desperate attempts to avoid the mopping and cleaning that needs to be done. Not me. My homemaker duties always trump silly little heart day projects!

a year ago

Dear Madelyn Kate,

A year ago today I found out you were growing inside of me. It was a Sunday morning. I was in total shock and disbelief (especially considering a silly doctor told me that would be near impossible less than two months before). I sat through church next to your Daddy...holding his hand and desperately wanting to blurt it out as loud as I could. I wrote him a little note with Ephesians 4: 20 on it. The sheer fact that your little body was being knit together inside of me was a testimony to the truth that "He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine", a scripture I had claimed in my life. We went to lunch with friends...I could not wipe the smile off of my face and officially kicked my Diet Coke habit that day just for you. I went shopping at Sam's with your Grandma...not telling her was SO hard...especially when we went down the baby aisle. I went to the mall to find the perfect way to tell your Daddy. I found the most adorable "I love Daddy" onesie. I told him that night when he came home from church. It was special in every way. I left him a little mail box on the counter and stood waiting with my camera. I love that we have a picture of his initial reaction. He was so excited (and also in disbelief).
A year ago today our lives changed forever. I am so glad they did. From the moment we knew you were inside of me...we knew you were a gift. We knew life would be different. We knew that it would no longer just be the two of us walking through this life together. We would soon be a family of three.

A year ago today, although I knew life would not be the same, I never imagined that it would be as sweet as this. That I would be a stay-at-home-mom (thanks to a hard working hubby) to the gift that on this day last year, was so new inside of me that your heart had yet to take it's first beat. That I would spend my day exactly one year later playing with a 19 week old who is already full of so much personality.That I would have a daily reminder in you of God's handiwork...his marvelous design.A year ago today, although I knew our lives would change, I never imagined that your Daddy and I would have traveled this road...filled with so many highs and lows...to be sitting here together one year later, in awe of how far you have come. I have told you before, but I am only repeating myself because it is true...you are our miracle Madelyn Kate. You have been our miracle since the day we first learned about you...February 8, 2009. A year ago today, I found out that I would soon be a Mommy. I was not sure what that meant. I am so thankful that you gave me that title and that you daily teach me what it means to be your Mommy. I love you, sweet girl.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-26

Love,
Mommy

church

This morning Madelyn and I joined Luke at church. It was so good to be there. To sit in the same pew as my hubby and worship together. Madelyn is at the age where she talks a lot so I wasn't sure how it was going to go having her in there with me (and taking a baby that stops breathing and turns blue to the nursery is not going to happen). I prepared myself for having to get up and walk out if she became noisy. She was an angel. Sure, she made a few noises, but she was mostly entertained by all the lights and people. I was so proud of her! We even went to the potluck lunch after the service and she just smiled at all the little munchkins that came to get a glimpse of her!

She wore the sweetest pink dress that her Aunt Kenda bought her last spring when we found out we were having a girl.
Seriously...I know I am biased...but I think I quite possibly have the cutest baby ever :)Tonight I headed to the youth Super Bowl Party with Luke while Madelyn cheered on the Saints with her Grandma and Grandpa. I am so thankful to be surrounded by family. I am not at a point (and honestly won't be for quite some time) where I will even entertain the thought of leaving Madelyn with a non-family member considering all that has happened over the last 4 months.

There were lots of students at the party. Lots of food. And the Saints pulled it off! I will admit that I didn't really care a whole lot about who won, but think it is pretty awesome for New Orleans!

For some reason my blogger account isn't working properly...so hopefully this post doesn't look crazy to you (if you can even see it at all)! I am going to have to do some trouble-shooting tomorrow...it's sleep time for now.

love for books

This is by far one of my very favorite activities we do together. You love to be read to and always seem actively engaged. Your eyes get so BIG when I turn the pages. Your tiny little hands grab at them. I hope you continue to have a passion for reading and being read to. The written word can be such a powerful thing.

LOTS of pictures and LOTS of words

*This post is long. I realize that. If you have something to do in the next half hour, you may want to click away :)*

Dear Madelyn,
It's been a few days since I blogged about the "daily life". I feel somewhat like a slacker and have contemplated all week whether this would be the beginning of the end or at least the slowing (which would ultimately mean the end) of daily blogs. The thing is, I don't like to journal or blog or do things half way. That's why I have an absorbent amount of scrapbook supplies and few books to show from them all. So instead of just blogging occasionally, I am the type of person that is either going to do it or not going to do it. To be quite honest, when I started blogging, I did not think I would write anything beyond my first post. When I kept it up, no one was more shocked than I was.
This tiny little corner of cyberspace that I call mine, has been something that allowed me to journal as your Daddy and I anticipated your arrival. As the days drew closer for you to be here, I began to wish I had embarked on this journey of blogging sooner. Then when you were born, it became so much more to us. It became a place of comfort. I was able to write of the ups and the downs. The joy that we experienced seeing you for the first time and all the triumphs and setbacks we experienced in the days to follow. This is for you and for me. A way to look back on the little moments that are so precious, yet fade from my mind faster than I would like to admit. It has been a way for me to share my heart with you. I have hoped that some day you will look back on your story and see that God orchestrated every moment, every detail. That you would see how much you are loved. That you would have the, although possibly mundane to some, details of your daily life as a precious baby.

I remember one day fast forwarding in my brain to the day you start Kindergarten, and writing about it here with the slew of pictures that would accompany it. I was sure I would still be blogging the day-to-day ins and outs for years to come.

Then this week, I was not so sure. I have really felt like this may be nearing the end.

Then something happened. I uploaded 20+ pictures of you below from the last few days. To me and to no one else, each one has a story. A story that for many of them, only I can tell you. So many of these moments are shared just between the two of us. I want you to be able to look back on these pictures and know the "little details" that went with them.

So even though I thought this week held the beginning of the end, in reality, it has brought a new motivation. A new passion for each word you read here.

Like this picture of you playing on your mat from Tuesday...

trying hard to look over your shoulder at the TV. I really do not want you to be a TV junkie. Especially at four months old. However, if it is on and you are in the room, you try your darndest to catch a glimpse. The American Academy of Pediatrics says you should not watch any TV until you are two years old. Although I know that would be a tough task, I'd like to shoot for at least one year!

No one else could tell you that immediately following that picture, I moved you to where you could not see the TV and you screamed so hard that you pooped. I try not to discuss your bowel movements here...but it was so funny. You strained so hard with your screams that you had a mega blowout and we headed straight for the changing table...
It wore you out so much that you took a little siesta on the floor once you were all cleaned up...
You woke up a happy girl though. I sat your swing up and you loved it. If it did not make me sound crazy, I would swear that you said "wee" out of sheer enjoyment.
Later that afternoon, your cousins and Aunt Marlo came by to hang out. Allison was her usual smiley self...
and Emily was totally in to her Uncle Luke (also as usual)...
You loved all the faces your Aunt Marlo was making at you. Every time I would try to snap a picture of the two of you, you would smirk and bury your face in her shirt...
After they left, your Daddy and I let you play on the floor naked (except for your diaper of course). You LOVE to play without your clothes on!
Your Grandma showed up that night with some super cute black and cream accessories for your room including a much needed dirty clothes hamper. You were already asleep but I gave you a tour of them the next day :)

On Wednesday morning at 8am (while we were still in bed) I decided that we would go to MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) for the first time. I thought it started at 9am. Thanks to your Daddy's help, we made it by 9am. It started at 9:30am. MOPS is so much more than what I thought it was and I look forward to taking you back with me. One good thing about the location that had an opening is that your Aunt Rachel works there. The two of you played for a little while towards the end. While you were in there with me, you were SO good! Your alarm did go off towards the beginning...I felt so terrible because it interrupted the speaker...but really I felt terrible because it meant your reflux was bothering you. It was sort of an emotional moment for me as I am not used to that happening when we are around people we do not know.
Then we went over to your Aunt Rachel's desk before we headed out to get your apnea monitor replaced (it was acting up) and to lunch.
You were showing off for the camera so we had to snap a few shots...
Sometimes I let you sit back in the recliner and I make all sorts of crazy sounds to entertain you. I think your drool was way more entertaining than anything I was doing. You kept blowing bubbles then giggling.
And when you would giggle...
the drool would spill out and flow...
like a little river.
I think I took 50 pictures of your drool to show your Daddy. At least 20 times a day I restrain myself from calling him and telling him of the adorable things you do. Yes, I even think your drool is adorable.

After that we gave your new stroller a test ride around the house. "A new stroller?" Yes. A new stroller. You see, Madelyn, I have had stroller envy. In.the.biggest.way.possible.

Rewind to 10 months ago.
When I was pregnant with you, I tore a page...(yes I still have it) out of one of the parenting magazines in my doctor's office (sorry Dr. K) at one of my first visits that showcased strollers that had rear facing capabilities (along with the article that told how great this "new" type of stroller was for development). I knew that I wanted one...a stroller that allowed even older children to face their parents (you know, because in most they can only face out)-I had to have it...but most of them are big bucks. I settled for the standard travel system combo for you (and we got a steal on that I might add).

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.

When my Grandma and I took you to the mall in Oklahoma City, we rode the elevator with this dad and his son who was sitting in the most amazing stroller I have ever seen. The child was probably two but was facing his dad. Then we saw them sitting at a table in the food court. The stroller was parked at the end of a table and the child's seat rotated towards the table. I was sold. Right when we got to the house I googled the name of the stroller by the brand I had snapped a picture of with my phone. I then realized they paid about as much for that stroller as your Daddy and I paid for our (overpriced) laptops.

Fast forward to last week.

When you and I went for a stroll at the Tyler mall (which is so lame compared to the one in OKC), you were not happy about laying back in your car seat that hooks on to your stroller. I was definitely not about to put you in the stroller part where I would not be able to keep an eye on you though. You kept trying to sit up out of it, so I eventually just carried you around. I knew right then that I was on a mission to find an affordable stroller that allowed you to face me with the option of turning around and facing out also. Thus began the seemingly endless searching of the web, reading reviews, and trying to find a reasonably priced rear facing stroller for you.

That brings us to Wednesday.

Your Aunt Rachel and I were killing time around town while your apnea monitor was being repaired. We went over to Storkland because I wanted to see if they had any that I could at least see in person before using what was left of your "Maddie Money" and ordering one off the internet. They had only one. It was marked like half the price of most that I had read good reviews for. BUT it was blue. Then the salesman mentioned that it had been out for at least a year and they were trying to get rid of it. I knew that meant they would probably take more off. After calling your Daddy and Grandma and talking it over with your Aunt Rachel, they all convinced me it was less about the color and more about being able to see you! Then they took 33% off the already discounted price so it was pretty much a no brainer (even considering it was blue).

So that night, we took it for a stroll around the house and you LOVED it!
It has been rainy since then so I have been anxiously waiting for a sunny day to take you out for a walk in it!
I love getting a deal and I LOVE that even though we bought you a travel system AND this stroller we still only spent about $20 more than we would have spent on the original travel system combo we were going to buy. More than that, I love that you will be able to face me for as long as I want you to!

Grandma stopped by to see the stroller and you of course!
You showed her how you like to give your glow worm kisses and love...Yesterday was so rainy and blah (and I REALLY wanted to take you out in your stroller) but for the most part we just hung around the house...playing together and baking for the Super Bowl party on Sunday night!You see, there are so many little things that I want to tell you about each day. "Things" that may seem unimportant and that probably are, yet I cherish them all. I hate that it is so easy to forget the little details. I love that this place...my little corner of cyberspace...allows me to share them all with you.

So this week is not the "beginning of the end", it's simply allowed me to realize how special it is is to me to be able to do this for the two of us. Your Daddy enjoys it too, but that is just a bonus.

I love you Madelyn Kate. I love the moments that we share that no one else sees. The time we spend together during the day when your Daddy is at work. The night time feedings that you have decided you need again. I love it all and I look forward to many more months of sharing it with you here in our little corner of cyberspace.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Madelyn Kate,
I have so many things from the last couple of days that I want to share (and I will). SO many pictures... I want to make sure that you see. We have done some fun new things together that I want to be sure to put in to words and document for you. I feel sort of behind in my blogging. Two days worth of being behind. I should be jotting down what you have been up to.

Tonight is just not the night.

I am sitting next to you, watching you sleep. Listening as you take deep breaths. Overwhelmed by your presence in my life. I love you sweet Madelyn. I love you in ways I never dreamed possible. You are my first born...my only (for now at least). My miracle you will always be.

Right now I feel like I should be doing 15 different things.

Not one of them includes sitting here in the dark watching you sleep. Yet, there is no place else I would rather be.

So the dishes...the laundry...the long blog...the pictures...the fun things we have been up to...they will have to wait. Right now, I am going to cherish this tender moment. Just you sleeping and me watching you.

I love you,
Mommy

[it never changes]

Last night, Madelyn fell asleep in my arms. It's the first time in a long time she has snuggled up with me to fall asleep. She usually does better if we lay her down while she is awake in her Nap Nanny or swing. Last night however, she must have known I needed some good snuggle time. She fell asleep in my arms at 8:30pm. I couldn't bring myself to lay her down. Not to blog. Not to clean up from dinner. Not even to brush my teeth (too much information-I know). I was enjoying holding my peacefully sleeping baby too much. We (Luke was on the couch since we were in the living room) did not move to the bed until after 1 am. She ate for about five minutes and then slept on through. There were no alarms. No screams. Just a slightly congested (she gets that way when her reflux is really bad) baby, sleeping sweetly. I am so thankful that her day yesterday (although she wasn't her usual self-but is anyone who is going on 3 hours of sleep?) and her night were a complete turnaround from the one before.

I am thankful for your prayers on our behalf. Your continued encouragement and commitment to pray for us has been such a blessing in this season of our lives.

I sent my mom a text this morning to let her know how her night was. She sent me one back reminding me of the power of prayer. I thanked her for her constant encouragement.
She said, "You know that feeling you get when you look at Madelyn? It never changes."
Sweet girl, Mommy loves you and that will never change.

a let down.

My baby girl adores her Daddy. I don't blame her.

Madelyn had a pretty bad episode last night.
Her monitor went off.
It usually stops after a couple of beeps.
Not last night.
There were too many to count.
Then she turned blue.
I tried to do what the doctor says and let her come out of it on her own.
Sometimes I wish my heart would trust the way my head does.
I can't bear to chance it.
I thumped her feet and turned her over.
My body aches all over just thinking about it.
It was kind of a let down.
A very scary let down at that.

Then, Madelyn had a really bad night.
She was really congested.
Choked and gagged a lot.
Many tears and screams.
She does not usually cry a lot, so we knew it hurt.
She possibly slept a total of three hours.
Her monitor went off many times during the little sleep she did get.
Her reflux was so bad you could hear it constantly.

Then, this morning, as I looked over at my
overly tired 4 month old, she was smiling.
Smiling.
Seriously?
After a night like that she was smiling at me.
I have a feeling she is going to be an optimist.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't really concerned.
But I am.
The last appointment the pediatrician laid out our options.
Visit the Pedi GI Doc in Dallas to see if he had any more "tricks".
Or surgery to correct the sphincter muscle.
Considering the Dallas Doc has said he would be doing the
same thing for her if we went to him, it seems pointless.
Surgery is not something Luke and I are even willing
to consider at this point.

I know she will be OK.
I know some day we will look back on these
episodes as something that seems so foreign and long gone.
For now, honestly, it's troubling.

I am praying for rest for my sweet Madelyn today.
Rest from reflux.
Rest from breathing troubles.
Rest for my overactive mind.
Just rest.