Monday, February 1, 2010

a let down.

My baby girl adores her Daddy. I don't blame her.

Madelyn had a pretty bad episode last night.
Her monitor went off.
It usually stops after a couple of beeps.
Not last night.
There were too many to count.
Then she turned blue.
I tried to do what the doctor says and let her come out of it on her own.
Sometimes I wish my heart would trust the way my head does.
I can't bear to chance it.
I thumped her feet and turned her over.
My body aches all over just thinking about it.
It was kind of a let down.
A very scary let down at that.

Then, Madelyn had a really bad night.
She was really congested.
Choked and gagged a lot.
Many tears and screams.
She does not usually cry a lot, so we knew it hurt.
She possibly slept a total of three hours.
Her monitor went off many times during the little sleep she did get.
Her reflux was so bad you could hear it constantly.

Then, this morning, as I looked over at my
overly tired 4 month old, she was smiling.
After a night like that she was smiling at me.
I have a feeling she is going to be an optimist.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't really concerned.
But I am.
The last appointment the pediatrician laid out our options.
Visit the Pedi GI Doc in Dallas to see if he had any more "tricks".
Or surgery to correct the sphincter muscle.
Considering the Dallas Doc has said he would be doing the
same thing for her if we went to him, it seems pointless.
Surgery is not something Luke and I are even willing
to consider at this point.

I know she will be OK.
I know some day we will look back on these
episodes as something that seems so foreign and long gone.
For now, honestly, it's troubling.

I am praying for rest for my sweet Madelyn today.
Rest from reflux.
Rest from breathing troubles.
Rest for my overactive mind.
Just rest.


  1. Sorry to hear the little sweetie (make that 3 little sweeties) had a rough night. And so glad to read about Maddie smiling at the end. Hope you all get some rest today. Wish we could be there to stare at her while you took a nap :)

    Love, Nancy

  2. Maddie is such a precious little grandbaby, and when nobody else was around to witness, she called me "grandpa." I asked her not to tell, and she had this big beautiful smile on her face. It's our secret.

    I love you Kathryn. You are a wonderful mother to little Madelyn. I'm proud that you're my daughter.


  3. I am so sorry to hear that Maddie had a bad night! The smile part made me cry! I believe that is my absolute favorite thing about being a mom is when my son lights up when he sees me! I am glad this one turned out ok, I will keep praying for all three of you! Get some rest...

  4. Kathryn,
    I am so sorry Maddie (and mommy and daddy) had such a rough day and night. You might think you don't handle these episodes well, but I'm here to tell you, you do an amazing job and Maddie is super lucky to have such caring, loving, strong Christian parents. I'm so glad Maddie confirmed that you ROCK as a mommy by giving you an amazing SMILE! Isn't that just like a rainbow at the end of a storm? It lets you know everything is going to be alright! Keep up that amazing faith of yours lil' lady! Love you all!!!!


  5. I'll join you in praying that she gets lots of rest too!

  6. I'm in prayer for her.
    Her card is hanging on the shelf above my desk.
    She's such a stud - like her parents.
    Love you guys.

  7. I know that it is probably the hardest decision you would ever make, but the surgery is such a blessing. I have a friend whose baby HAD to have it several years ago because the reflux was hindering her weight gain. It was like a light switch had been turned, the results were immediate. I pray that if you feel led down that path that your hearts will be made open to that idea.

  8. Your faith will lead you in the right direction for your family. Meanwhile, my prayers are with you and your family for more peaceful nights.


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