Thursday, February 18, 2010

{busy day}

We had the busiest day yesterday but we don't have many pictures to show for it (insert collective gasp here).

In the morning we had MOPS. There was a guest speaker who shared on the 7 Principles of a Highly Effective Parent. We only heard the first two because the munchkin was hungry. More on that another day. So far, MOPS is amazing. I think every stay-at-home mom should find a group to get involved in. I don't really know anyone in the group very well yet, but even just being there is enough!

After MOPS, Madelyn and I went to lunch with Aunt Rachel while Granny was visiting a friend. It is so good to have her back from her world travels! Skype is amazing, but not as great as being able to spontaneously go to lunch together.

After that Madelyn and I headed to the house so she could nap (which did not really happen) and I could bake some cookies to take to the students at church. Six dozen cake batter cookies later, Madelyn, Granny and I loaded up in the car to deliver them.

It is always awesome to walk in the door and see a room full of students (versus, ya know, a room full of empty chairs). They chose to be there. No one forced them. They could have made a million excuses for not going, but for whatever reason, they chose to go to church. I love it. I love the way the Lord is using my husband in their lives. I loved that his Grandma was able to witness it first hand!

It's pathetic to me that I don't have any (insert second collective gasp here) pictures of our day until after we arrived home from church! The momarazzi of the world would be disappointed in me.

Madelyn really has a lot of different facial expressions. She raises her eyebrows...scrunches her forehead...lifts one side of her lip...and looks at you as if to ask, "Seriously?"She started getting really fussy around 10pm. No kidding, right? Imagine a baby being tired and fussy at 10pm (especially after an exceptionally busy day), but her reflux was bothering her really bad. I did not want to try to put her to bed until she had eaten really well. After a little play time with Daddy...
we ditched the "eating really well" before putting her to bed. We could hear her reflux A LOT for the first time in a long time last night. Because of this, I knew that it would possibly be a rough night. I did not however, take in to account that her apnea alarm would go off 13+ times. I don't even really remember the last time it went off. True apnea occurs when there is a 20+ second pause in her respirations and a slowing of her heart rate (bradycardia) to below 80 beats per minute. A lot of times in the past the alarm just went off for the respirations. Last night it alarmed for both repirations and heart rate simultaneously.

At about 3am, I was getting so discouraged. I let the Lord know of my frustrations. I kept thinking, "Why Madelyn, Lord? Why not me?" It seems as though when we have gotten her to a point where we thinks he is "well", something like this happens to remind us that we won't really know when this will pass. I started thinking about a song that Luke's "big sister", Kim, texted to me a couple of weeks ago. It's called Safe in My Arms by Plumb. She said it made her think of Madelyn. I had never heard it before so I had to find it on the internet.

The first time I listened to it, I cried. Not just a few tears. I cried the one that makes your face all red and splotchy and scrunched up. I cried the ugly cry. You know, the one that you hate for anyone else to see?

Last night I was playing the song over and over in my head as I held Madelyn after one of the really long alarms.

"The clouds will rage and storms will race in,
but you will be safe in my arms.
Rains will pour down, waves will crash all around,
but you will be safe in my arms, safe in my arms."

The first time that I heard that part of the song, I found comfort in thinking that Madelyn was safe in my arms. Last night, as much as I wished that were true, I realized that the only arms that she is truly safe in are the arms of Jesus. I am ashamed to say that for a moment, I was frustrated. I want to be the one to keep her safe. Protect her from the storms of this life. I voiced that to the Lord. It was followed by this overwhelming peace. She is safe in His arms. He has trusted her to us to care for, love and provide for her, but no matter what comes her way...what clouds matter how heavy the rains pour down...ultimately it is He who has given her life. She is safe in His arms.

I was able to rest peacefully after that in between the alarms knowing that she is safe in His arms.

1 comment:

  1. Hey! You don't know me, but I know Marlo and Jarrod. I've been following your blog since Madelyn was born. I just had to share a song that has helped me SO much with my own kids. We have 2 daughters that we were blessed with after they were in our classes at St Louis school and REL Life Skills. They both have MR and other health issues. Everytime they have surgery, go to the doctor, even if they're just having a bad day, I sing this to them and it helps. (Maybe helps me more than them.) It's called Hold on to Jesus by Erin O'Donnell. I'm pasting the last few lines below. Never fails to remind me to give them back to him daily.

    Hear me dear Jesus
    Rock this little one to sleep
    Keep her close when she's scared
    And give her grace when she is weak
    I know she'll stumble
    But I know she'll make it through
    If you hold to her just like
    You said You'd do
    Hold her Jesus
    And she'll hold on tight to You


Thank you for the comment love! :)

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