Wednesday, October 12, 2011

It's been a year.

It's been a year since our last ambulance ride. The memories of the high fever, seizure, spinal tap, wondering if it was somehow related to her previous problems and just plain being afraid are still fresh for me.
I remember how she laid there so still. Being nervous that she would wiggle when they tried to do the spinal tap and realizing that she didn't have any energy to move at that point. I remember how excited we were when she started lifting her arms and drinking her juice.
The main thing that I remember about that day was when a stranger emailed me this question:
I've followed your blog for quite some time now. I have seen the scary moments through your eyes and your words. I cannot imagine how scary the moments from the last year have been for you and your family. However, as one who does not believe in God as you do, I wonder how quick you would be to praise him if things did not turn out in your favor? If, and I am by no means wishing this upon you, her illnesses were more serious, less of an easy fix or if you lost her? Would your praises be the same?
Of all the emails, messages and blog comments from people I do not know, this one has to have been one of the hardest to answer. All I could muster at the time was a simple reply that read, I hope so.

Honestly, I can't imagine life here on earth without Madelyn in it.  I have met, known of and read about so many parents that have had to face that reality. The reality of life without a child. It seems so unnatural. Unfair even.

I am so thankful for Madelyn's life and health and beautiful smile and all the days we've spent with her.

Even one year later, believing full well that God is in control, my answer would be the same...I hope so.

My mind honestly cannot even travel to that "what if". But I hope that my heart would still be as quick to praise Him in the storms as it is to praise Him when all is well.

"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13: 5-6

1 comment:

  1. Kathryn, you know I'm crying like a baby reading this and seeing the pics. You and Luke have so much faith and trust in the Lord. You keep praising God in and out of the storms and He will keep blessing you and performing miracles! Don't dwell even for a second on what that reader asked you because, Lord willing, it will never happen. Your blog is read by so many people and touches so many lives! People have come to know the Lord because of this blog! Never let any opposition stop you from sharing your faith and trust in the Lord. I hope that reader keeps following you and keeps seeing how real and alive our God is and the wonderful miracles He bestows on the faithful. Even when bad things happen, God gives us the strength, courage and peace of mind to get through things that I'm fairly sure without Him would be impossible!


Thank you for the comment love! :)

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