a night at Le Meridien

We drove (clarification...Luke drove while Madelyn and I slept) to North Dallas this afternoon after Luke left work so that we wouldn't have to wake her up at 5am just to make sure we made it to our first doctor's appointment on time. We got a hotel off of hotwire.com (we have booked every hotel that we have stayed in off of that site for the last two years staying in the 3 1/2-4 star range and it has been awesome every time). So we are only 10-15 minutes from the doctor's office...which I know we will be super excited about in the morning.

We have kept it pretty low key this evening. We hung around the hotel for a little while then grabbed some dinner at a yummy Mexican food restaurant a few miles away. Other than that, we have just been entertained by our wild child climbing all over the furniture, making her silly face and giggling uncontrollably for 2-3 minutes at a time.

Just about every time she "smiles" at the camera now, it's some variation of her silly face. As ridiculously cute as it is, I think she is starting to think this is how to smile! Yikes! Can you imagine that for her first yearbook picture??

Madelyn as been giving me the best kisses lately (she hasn't dished them out so freely for Daddy which kind of evens the score considering every time we try to get her to say, "Mommy", she whispers, "Daddy", and grins).

Maybe we should rename this "the grumpy old man face".

Or the "has anyone seen where I put my dentures face".

She is always so expressive and making Luke and I laugh constantly. She definitely takes after her dad in that area. She likes to make people smile and laugh and she is good at it.

I seriously took like 15 "silly face" pictures tonight and I am not sure that we even said the words silly face once. We have created a silly face monster!

She just recently started to shrug her shoulders when she is talking and I think it is precious (naturally...I think everything she does is precious).

She was in such a fun and playful mood that she even snuck a few sugars to Luke.

She and Luke are sleeping now. I should probably go join them. I keep thinking about what a friend asked me this afternoon though and I can't sleep. She asked what we hoped to accomplish at the doctor's visits tomorrow. I'm not really sure. I mean, we are pretty confident that it is just terrible reflux that is causing her apnea and not something that's anatomically incorrect or something else of that nature. We know that it's either something that 95% of babies grow out of by 1 year of age or they don't and are the 5% that carry it with them in to childhood. What we don't really know is if we should expect her to continue to quit breathing for these extended lengths of time even if she has gone one or two or even three months without having many major problems? I am fearful of what happens if she doesn't "snap out of it" on her own if it happened again. I have really been fighting a spiritual battle trying to win over the "what ifs?" that keep popping in my head with scripture. God has been so good and I am constantly reminded of His faithfulness even in the small stuff. The fact is though, if something like what happened on Wednesday were to happen again, it could cause permanent damage because of the extended period of time without Oxygen. So honestly, I am not sure what we hope to "accomplish" tomorrow. Maybe nothing more than the reassurance that she's not the first child to ever go through this, she won't be the last, and that it might just take a little longer than we first thought for her to outgrow it? Our pedi referred us because he's not sure there is anything else we can do but wait and keep a vigilant eye on her as well as use the monitor for naps and at night. He's also bright enough and concerned enough to know that it wouldn't hurt a single thing to speak to two other doctors who deal with these types of problems more regularly than he does.

So although the mommy in me just wants my baby girl to be free from any discomfort, pain and apnea, I know that ultimately, no matter what it is that I want to accomplish, all of this will work out in His timing and for His glory.

yogurt paint

Dear Maddie Kate,
You have the best Daddy ever. He loves you deeply and tells you that every day. He sings to you. Plays the guitar for you. Changes your stinky diapers. Gives you baths. Feeds you. Reads to you. Tells you about Jesus. Prays for you. Provides for you. Does just about anything to hear you laugh.

He also lets you paint your high chair tray with baby yogurt in the name of fun.






And you? Well, you loved it. Just like you love him!

I am so glad that you have such an awesome Daddy.

Love you sweet girl,
Mommy

humbled

My friend Jenna and I have lots of things in common. Husbands in the ministry. Children. A passion and love for education. Cravings for yummy Chick-fil-a. And an inability to blog when our hearts our heavy. (I'm pretty sure I have mentioned all that before.)

I've been in a funk for a few days. I might be going out on a limb here (said with lots of sarcasm) that I have been throwing a pity party.

I'm ready for all of this to be resolved. For Madelyn to be well and not hurt or struggle to breath or deal with yucky reflux.

My heart has been heavy and I have been unable to blog because of it.

Then I finally loaded pictures from the last three days in to my iPhoto (I usually do this nightly) and I saw this picture of my sweet baby girl.
No pity party here. Just smiles. Light in her eyes. Joy unspeakable.
It's amazing how the Lord works. How He humbles us. How He has humbled me.

I love you Madelyn Kate! You teach me more every day.

to the doctor we go...

Our awesome Pediatrician's office was able to work Madelyn in by 9:00 this morning. I was so relieved. Although I knew we weren't going to hear any earth shattering news, I also knew that I didn't want to spend my day wondering how the appointment would go. Madelyn had slept well last night and we even had to wake her up to get her ready for the appointment.She had fun playing with Daddy while we waited on the doctor to come in.

I think we were all a little more concerned than we have been in the past because Madelyn needed the extra help to start breathing again. We talked about the possibility that she had a seizure due to the oxygen deprivation but there is no way to know for sure. For now, she is back on the apnea monitor while she sleeps and we have appointments next week in Plano with a couple of specialists.

Luke and I really feel that her reflux has been unusually bad because of her congestion and drainage that she has had for nearly two weeks now. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier.

I'm really at a loss for any more words tonight. My heart is very heavy. Despite that, it's been a good day full of smiles and spending time together!

bed head baby

I can say with confidence, Madelyn has by far the cutest bed head you have ever seen!

Today has not been a good day.

It started off OK. Luke's care broke down in Brownsboro last night while he was trying to pick up a student from school. This morning we went to check on it and prayed that it would start. Instead we ended up calling a tow truck to haul it in to Tyler.

Not the bad part. Even though it was money that we'd loved to have spent elsewhere.

We met the tow man at the shop and left the keys there for them to check it out. To our surprise it was a fairly simple fix with a much lower price tag than we were anticipating.

Still not the bad part.

Got a call that it would be ready soon and that "someone" needing to be thanked (since my dad's friend owns the shop...we knew he meant my dad!) and we could come pick it up.

Definitely not the bad part.

While Madelyn was napping this afternoon, I went in to check on her. Her eyes were wide open so I thought she was awake. I remember vividly saying, "Hi sweet girl...did you sleep well?", as I began to scoop her up. The minute I began to lift her, I knew something was wrong. She was completely limp. Her eyes still wide open and she was not moving. I turned on the light. Tried to stimulate her and couldn't. Her lips were blue. Her eyelids were blue. Her body was ghostly pale and I was completely terrified. I listened for a breath and heard nothing. After tilting her chin back I gave her a puff of air and racked my brain on infant CPR. We watched the video in the NICU before discharge. I had taken the course a few times in the past and in that moment it was so hard to remember. Thankfully she took a small breath and I was able to hold her close after that. She was pale and lethargic ten minutes later when my sister and my friend Ashleigh ( a nurse) got to the house. After about 30-45 minutes, although she was pretty fussy, she was getting back to her normal self.

That was the bad part.

We had turned in the apnea monitor just a few hours before as we asked for it to be discharged on Monday because we weren't needing it anymore. Talk about timing :)

Tomorrow morning we are going to see her Pedi. On Monday he referred us to a pediatric pulmonologist in Dallas. I think he may speed the referral up after what happened today. We are confident that it is still all reflux related. Her reflux has been worse the last several days with her congestion and drainage, but our hearts are still heavy.

Pray for us? Pray for Madelyn's healing?

In these moments it is so hard not to be anxious and fearful. Time and time again we are reminded of the Lord's faithfulness. We are trusting in Him. After all, she is His.

11 Months

Dear Madelyn Kate,
Today we celebrated your eleventh month of life! It blows my mind completely that you are now less than one month away from celebrating your first birthday. In the last couple of weeks I have started making a few things here and there for your party. I think doing those little things has helped me to not actually think about the fact that as you turn one you are leaving baby Madelyn behind and entering a new stage of increased mobility, talking and toddlerhood.

This time last year I was on bed rest dreaming of what I would bring you home from the hospital in and attempting to make my very first bows for you. It amazes me to think of how much has happened since August 24, 2009. I look back at that post trying to imagine what it was like before you were outside of my belly and I cannot even make my mind go there. I don't remember life without you around.

Over the last eleven months you have provided our home and our family with so much joy. Your trials and triumphs have made us all clap with excitement, cry tears of sadness and tears of joy, and helped us to draw closer to our walks with the Lord. From the moment we knew that we were pregnant with you, we knew that ultimately you are His.

This past month with you has been so full of new things (as each month before has been). New foods, new sounds, new words, and new places. Just as we have encountered new things, we have left many of the norms from the first 10 months of your life behind. You were officially (although we hadn't used it in a while) discharged from you apnea monitor. You only drink from sippy cups during the day, but still take one bottle at night (only because the flow is slower and we think that's beneficial for your reflux). You are officially too long for six months footie pajamas, but you can still wear your six-nine months ones. There are so many other things that are "a thing of the past" that it is just hard to believe!You are quite the climber these days. You have mastered climbing on all of the furniture and while we were on our recent trip to OKC, we noticed that you realized that in order to get down from something that it's better if you turn around. Now you do that when going down stairs, getting out of Mommy and Daddy's bed, off the couch and pretty much off of anything that you climb up on to. It seems like such a simple thing, but it was so cool to watch you figure it out.
You still crawl so fast and have taken a few steps here and there, but you are not a walker yet. This week you have discovered how fun it is to scoot yourself backwards on your belly in your pajamas on the ceramic tile. Grandma calls it your Michael Jackson moon walk, so now when we see you do it everyone calls you MJ instead of MK.
You are as social as they come. You talk to anyone and everyone no matter where we are. The grocery store, the bank, church, the doctor's office...you have never met a stranger. So many people comment on your smile and how happy you are. They are right. You are such a happy little thing! Your cousins were the same way. They would jibber jabber at everyone too (and they still do!!). Speaking of cousins...you love Emily and Allison so much. It is fun to just sick back and watch you three play. Emily is really good at picking you up and loves to take pictures with you. Allison likes the idea of you...but isn't so sure about the fact that you always try to play with her toys or tackle her!

Your face lights up and you smile with your eyes when we sing Itsy Bitsy Spider, If You're Happy and You Know It, Little Bunny Foo Foo and well...basically when we are singing anything! You just love music in general and when you really get excited you start dancing to it! By dancing I mean you bounce up and down. It is so precious. I know I am a bit partial, but I think that just about everything you do is precious.

I am definitely past the "even your poop is precious" stage though. I am so thankful that for the first 8-9 months of your life, your poop didn't really stink. Once we finished breastfeeding that all changed. Now that your food choices are growing by the day, that has really changed. We didn't have to use your diaper champ until now. We would just put your diapers in the trash and they were fine. If we did that now, the whole house would have an unpleasant aroma (It only occurred to me just now that it's totally strange that I just devoted a whole paragraph to discussing the smell of your poop. Something changed when I had you and it instantly became the norm to talk about such things. One day when you are a mommy you will understand).

When we went to the doctor on Monday you weighed in at a whopping 19 pounds 5 ounces! You are growing so fast!! You still wear a size three diaper, drink milk three times a day and your food choices are expanding by the minute. You can still wear your 6-9 months clothes, but in just the last month you have started to fit in 6-12 months outfits as well as some just 12 months. Others still swallow you. It sure would be nice if the clothing industry made things the same size! Ha! It is so hard not to shop for you all of the time. Little girls clothes are so stinking cute and you make everything look that much better.
Madelyn...I love you now. I will love you forever. You are our first born and for now you are our only. The light of our lives. Our special little gift. Each day we are reminded by each breath you take that you are here for a reason. You are His and we are thankful to be your parents.

Love you sweet girl,
Mommy

poor baby

I am pretty sure that my overused phrase of the day was "poor baby" today. Madelyn had a rough go of it last night with her fever and congestion so I called the doctor's office first thing this morning to try to get her in. We had a fairly early appointment and the doctor confirmed she had a right ear infection. I felt so bad for her. She was miserable. She was so worn out that she even slept through the doctor checking her out (which was probably for the better). About fifty percent of the day she looked so pitiful. She was definitely my poor baby.Thankfully she perked up for a few hours in the afternoon and even managed to play for a little while.

It was medicine for my heart to see her smile and hear her sweet little giggle.

At one point I was sitting at the table scanning through some one year pics of a cute little girl that I took on Sunday night and I looked over to see Madelyn standing up and taking a couple of steps!!! She has taken one here and there but I have never seen her stand up in the middle of the room and take three! I was so happy that I had my camera right next to me and I was able to get a picture of it!

I screamed and cheered so loud that I think I scared her! She immediately sat down and started to cry. I should have known better because she has been super sensitive to sound the last few days since she has been feeling bad.

While I was talking on the phone with Luke's mom this afternoon I put her on speakerphone for Madelyn to hear. She was grinning ear to ear when she heard Gigi's voice!

Today was Emily's first day of Kindergarten (still in disbelief) and I was so excited to see her this afternoon and hear all about it. She looked super cute and was excited about all the important Kindergarten things...lunch in the cafeteria, recess and the treasure box of course.

Hopefully Madelyn's medicine kicks in over night and she wakes up feeling better. I hate it when she is sick. I felt so helpless and just wanted to hold her all day. Get better poor baby...tomorrow you are 11 months old!!