Saturday, December 19, 2009

how precious life is

There is just something incredibly sweet about cuddling. Especially cuddling with a little baby. Madelyn has started to rub the side of my face or the tops of my shoulders when I cuddle her close on my chest. When I feel those tiny fingers on my skin it is one of the best feelings in the world. There are few other moments as tender and sweet as these that I cherish as much. The soft kiss of my husband on our wedding day. Holding my Grandmother's hand. The feeling of my nieces in my arms for the first time. When her tiny little fingers reach up and rub my face, I cherish it like I have cherished these moments. It's the kind of feeling you never forget.

I know that soon Madelyn will be busy crawling then walking and going wherever her little heart desires and she will have little time for sitting still and cuddling with her mommy. That's why I have made a point to really treasure these moments.

This morning I got to soak them in as the little one was extra cuddly. I loved it. It's definitely the best way to start off a Saturday morning, that's for sure.

Can you believe how big she is??
She is definitely not the little girl we saw in the NICU struggling for each breath. She is healthy and vibrant. Full of smiles and laughter and life. She loves to be talked to and giggles when I sing "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer". She pumps her legs really fast when you tickle her belly and lays still, almost captivated, when we read to her.

There is this song by Andy Gullahorn that Luke put on Madelyn's iPod playlist. It's called How Precious Life Is. It's the song that plays through my mind during the tender moments with my little one. The moments that truly remind me how precious life really is. The moments that take me back to April 2008. It was such a hard month for me. Our first full month at a new church, with new faces in a new town. It was also the month that I found out I had miscarried, before I ever even knew I was pregnant. I remember feeling like the life had been sucked out of me. I felt so many conflicting emotions. I did not know what to think. To find out you have lost something before you even know you had it to begin with is such a weird thing. Did I even have the right to be sad? The one thing that I can say is, as painful as the months that followed were, it's almost been more painful in these last few months. Before Madelyn, I never truly knew what I was missing. I didn't fully understand what Luke and I missed out on because of that loss. Now, in these tender moments with Madelyn, I can't help but wonder what it would have been like. Boy or girl? That is just one question among all the "what if's" and "could have beens" that swirl through my head. Sometimes it's hard as I look into the face of Allison, my youngest niece. If we had not miscarried, our little one would not be much younger than her. Full of energy and constantly on the move. I find it best not to entertain those thoughts too much, but to cherish the little life that we do have with us. To know that God knew exactly what he was doing. To be reminded every day, how precious life is.

I couldn’t see it ‘til now
You were teaching us then
How precious life is

I had a hard time finding this song on the internet because I really wanted you to hear it. It's only 99 cents on Itunes, but I did find a video here (<--click to listen) that you can listen to. It's a teaching video but it's an uninterrupted version of the song. I hope it reminds you how precious life is, even if sometimes we don't realize it when we should.


  1. I came by your blog via the Christmas home tour only to find that you and I have so much in common. I wish I had found your blog sooner and could have been praying for you and there for support. We went through almost the exact same thing with our beautiful baby girl just two months before you. She is now 5 months and is still on meds for the reflux. Thankfully she is off the apnea monitor. If you would like to email me I thought we may be able to be support and encouragement for each other. ( I will be praying for your family. Madelyn is just beautiful!! God bless your family, Cindy

  2. I hope Madelyn continues to be a cuddler!! Nolan still is @ 4 and I'm so glad!! One of my nieces is so not one and I just hoped and prayed that our one and only child would be!! When we see her she'll just lean into you and call that a hug! Though her younger sister is a snuggler!!
    I'm sorry for your miscarriage. My thoughts though in reading this post (and I hope that I can "say" this right) was that if it wasn't for that loss you wouldn't have Madelyn. I am by no means making light of your loss - just kinda what crossed my mind when reading it!! Thank you for sharing the good w/ the bad!! Just makes us all aware that all of us have our own trials and tribulations!!!


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