Thursday, December 10, 2009

We started off the day like this...cute as can be hanging out at the house in her pink and brown. We even went to my doctor's appointment where I showed her off to everyone and proudly told them of how well she's doing!
We ended the day like this...
still cute as can be but this time in her Grandma's arms at the hospital.

Tonight Madelyn had another episode where she quit breathing while we were at the house. She lost her color and turned a little blue. Once I stimulated her she took a big gasp and started breathing again followed by 30 minutes of extreme fussiness. We brought her to the ER and they have admitted her to be observed. I am pretty confident it is reflux related and we will be sent home on an apnea monitor.

It still sucks. I really don't like that word but stinks doesn't cut it tonight. I was just turning a corner where I could talk myself in to leaving the room to go to the bathroom or get a drink. Then, I let myself go fill up a water cup and come back to a child who is not breathing. Talk about feeling guilty. Is it selfish that I just wish I was able to be like other moms and not have to wonder if I will return to a child who is breathing??

I am however thankful that it was while we were awake. That she was easily stimulated. That she is being taken good care of at the hospital. That right now she is in my arms.

Praying that she continues to show improvements with her reflux and that was the cause of the latest episode. We should know the game plan in the morning when her pediatrician stops by. For now she is asleep in her mommy's arms, right where she should be.


  1. Oh, please don't feel guilty! It is not selfish to wish that you could not worry about this. I am very thankful she comes out of these episodes so easily. I will be praying for you all!!

  2. Oh Kathryn I am so sorry this is still and issue for you all. Praying praying.

  3. There is no reason at all to feel guilty, you and your family have been through so much. Thinking about and praying for you all the time...
    Love, Beth

  4. I'm so sorry. I don't think there's a mom out there that doesn't sometimes worry that her child will stop breathing (I still check Alex in the middle of the night). You, however, have experienced the horror of that worry becoming reality. I pray for healing, peace, and comfort for you all.

  5. Kathryn, there is absolutely zero reason to feel guilty. Completely understandable!! I'm so sorry that your little lady is back in the hospital though. Stopping to say a prayer right now!


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