Wednesday, December 2, 2009

life...even in death

This morning Madelyn, Luke and I headed to the doctor to check on her little belly bulge. She is so good at the doctor's office. She's good all the time for that matter. She weighed in at a whopping 11 pounds 9 ounces! Almost a pound heavier in just 2 weeks! Goodness. The doctor checked her out and no hernia for our little munchkin. Thank goodness. He said it may have been one of a few things, all of which are normal. Constipation, gas, etc. I had my first "I feel silly for over reacting-did I really just bring my baby to the doctor for a gas bubble?" moment. Oh well. I am just thankful that our gassy little one is without a hernia.
While we waited for the doctor Madelyn just played and smiled and jabbered up a storm. She really is a happy baby.

After her doctor's appointment, Luke headed to the hospital. After that he went out to the church to get some things done before church. Madelyn was having a really good day reflux wise and she told me she wanted to see her daddy to make him smile. I couldn't let the little one down, so we drove out to the church to take him a treat and give him a hug.
She fell asleep within 29 seconds of leaving the driveway. She is such a good car rider. This was her first trip out to the church (it was not actually time for church so there were just 3 of the office staff up there) so she had a few people who were pretty excited to see her. Especially her daddy. He loved his snack and his hug and the fact that his little one had on one of her "daddy" shirts (thanks to my Grandma who got this for Madelyn long before she was born)...
After we visited Luke at work and I was driving back in to town, something in my heart told me I needed to go say goodbye to Carol. Earlier in the day when Luke was at the hospital, the family was preparing for the worst. Carol did not want to be kept alive artificially. They knew her time was close, so they began to make the arrangements to carry out her wishes. I drove towards the hospital hoping my mom could sit with Madelyn (she works right next door to the hospital Carol was at). She did. I was able to say my goodbyes, hold her hand and tell her that there will be so many who will miss her. It brought some closure of sorts. While I was there, two men from the Southwest Transplant Alliance were in her room. Carol's family was doing an amazing thing by carrying out her wish to give life even in her death and donate her organs. What an amazing gift they are allowing her to give. I can only imagine the family that is crying tears of joy as they learn that their loved one will receive the heart they have been waiting for. The kidney that will mean they no longer have to be on dialysis. The lung that will help them to breath on their own again. Even in her death she is selflessy giving life. That was Carol. Selfless. Giving. Tonight she will be taken off the ventilator. She will more than likely draw her last breath sometime shortly after midnight as that is when they anticipate taking her off the artificial life support. Her family needs our prayers. The days ahead will be hard and healing needs to take place.

I have the little heart sticker on my driver's license that indicates my desire to be a donor. Luke just recently got a new driver's license that actually says "donor" right on the card. More importantly than that, our families know our wishes. In honor of Carol's life, make sure your families know your wishes. Have you considered donating life? If you have not, I encourage you to read more about it here. If you have, make sure your loved ones know. Your organ donation could save the lives of up to nine people and your tissue donation could enhance the lives of another 50 people.

The Carol Tutor Tragedy fund has been set up at Southside Bank in Tyler. If you are able, the family will be blessed by anything that can be given. Contributions can be made at any Southside Bank location or by calling 903-531-7111. When Madelyn was in the hospital, a very dear friend set up an account for us for all the expenses we would face. It has blessed us tremendously. Mainly just to know that people care. If you can, bless the Tutor family in their time of need.

Tonight has been a quiet one around our house. We are thankful for the day we have been given and reminded that our lives are not our own. Maddie and I hung out with my mom while Luke was at church. She snuggled with Grandma, played on the floor, and loved checking out the lights on the Christmas tree from her bouncy seat...
She is such a blessing. Being able to hold her close on hard days is a gift.


  1. Organ donation is so important. I am a donor myself, as well as my husband. I am praising God that Carol is going to be a miracle for another family and that she is in Heaven now. I do keep her family in my prayers. It is so hard to feel joy of knowing your loved one is in Heaven when there is the sadness of losing a loved one-I hope I am saying that right. I know God will give her family peace and comfort right now-they will see her again-I just praise God for that!

  2. Beautifully written, Kathryn. I am so sad for Carol's family, and at the same time know that because of Carol and her family, other families will remember this Christmas as the one in which their family received a Christmas miracle with a new heart, kidney or lung for a loved one. What a wonderful tribute to a life well lived.

    I know Carol's family appreciates you and Luke.

    Love, Nancy


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