{Happy Halloween}

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Good thing, because this mom is all out of words.
Madelyn's first Halloween...
was filled with lots of good cuddle and...
play time with Gigi...
hanging out at her cousin's house...
and trick-or-treating with Little Bo Peep, her sheep...
Gigi, Uncle Jarrod, Aunt Marlo...
Mommy and Grandma too (Daddy was at the fall festival at church)! Maybe I will have more words tomorrow. Until then, there are 8 pictures that carry with them 8,000 unspoken words.

**Happy Halloween**

*Kathryn

{reminders}

As I have mentioned before, Madelyn loves her music. While we have been staying at my parent's house, we have been listening to Sirius satellite radio so that Madelyn has her music going all night without draining the ipod. As I sit here at 3 am, holding my baby girl and comforting her as her reflux flares up, Glory Baby by Watermark just came through the speakers. My mind has been freed from the constant "what if's" and nightmares from the scary times in the beginning with Madelyn that have previously plagued me in my idleness. And then there are these moments. Moments when I hear a mother singing, "We miss you every day, we miss you in every way, but we know there's a day when we will hold you". Yet another reminder of how truly blessed I am to be able to hold this little one...how blessed we are to be a family of 3. I am so very thankful for these reminders. It's so easy to take what we have been gifted for granted. My prayer is that Luke and I are always aware of this gift we have in Madelyn Kate...this gift we have in each other.

*Kathryn

{Boo}

Truth be told, there is nothing scary about this little Halloween-goer. I realized today that Madelyn had a couple of outfits for Halloween and considering that tomorrow is the big day, we needed to put one on today (at least long enough for me to snap a few pictures). Have you ever seen a cuter pink leopard? Here she is all dressed up and nowhere to go...
I have never just loved Halloween. For me, it's just been the day before the day that I usually start counting down to Christmas! I have however decided that it will be a lot more fun now that we are a family of 3! Luke and I have already planned family costumes for next year. I am not good at keeping surprises, but this will be so worth it :)My mom and I found this at Wal-Mart before she was born for $8! We weren't exactly sure how (or if) it would fit her, but for $8 it was worth a shot! I am so glad we did. I love it.
Last night I had a dream that we took Madelyn to the fall festival at our church. Luke was dressed up as a fireman, I was an emergency dispatcher and Madelyn (with her LOUD apnea monitor in tow) was the fire alarm. I woke up laughing as her apnea monitor was giving off a false alarm thinking about how she would make a good fire alarm with how loud this little thing is when it goes off. However, I think she makes a much cuter leopard and pumpkin...Our little pumpkin had a rough night last night, but slept it off this morning and had a really good day. I guess for now that is just how it is going to be until we figure out which medications work best for her! It is so awesome to know that when I am completely exhausted and can't keep my eyes open any more, I have an awesome husband who will hold Madelyn at 3 am and love on her so I can get some sleep. Luke is amazing. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, Godly man in my life.

Tonight Luke and I went on a date thanks to my mom who watched Madelyn. It started at 6:15pm. We printed pictures at CVS. After that we spent 45 minutes in Target! I love Target! Of course we spent most of the time in the baby section and bought Madelyn some really cute dresses, sleepers (like she really needs anymore clothes) and her very first Christmas dress. I love Christmas. After Target we ordered some to go dinner and headed home. We were at home by 7:45pm. I know. We are wild and crazy. Hey...this is the first time I have even been out on a Friday night since I was put on bed rest in early August. It was strange leaving Madelyn and I almost tripped on the sidewalk running to the front door once we got home trying to get to the little cutie, but it was great to hang out with Luke ((and getting to go to Target!!!)).

This weekend is going to be fun! Madelyn's Gigi is coming in for a visit to love on her little grandbaby. Our church is welcoming a new pastor. AND Sunday is November 1st!! Luke and I made a deal that I could start decorating for Christmas the first of November this year since it will take a little longer for me to get everything done with the munchkin around. Granted, we have not been able to go home yet from the flooding so I won't be decorating on Sunday, but just knowing that I could if I were there excites me!! Ha!

Off to get some rest for all the fun we will be having this weekend!

*Kathryn

5 Weeks

This morning (which followed a wonderful night of feedings and sleeping-praise the Lord) Madelyn spent over an hour in her swing (again-praise the Lord). This was the first time I saw her looking up at the mobile...
This afternoon after more feedings and sleeping, Madelyn and I had our daily photo shoot! It went much better than yesterday!It's so fun to see her in the onesies that I made for her. I love it! At 5 weeks of age, Madelyn is finally starting to fill out her newborn clothes. Those little brown pants are rolled up 3 times! As of our last doctor's appointment, Madelyn was in the 3rd-5th percentile range. I have a feeling that at her 2 month check up she will be closer to the 50 percentile range...at least that's what I am hoping!I am sure that when I took this picture Madelyn was thinking, "Easy on the flashes, momarazzi!"
Gosh! She is just so darn cute! It feels so good that she feels good. I know there will be bad days. I am just thankful that after the bad ones...God always gives us a good one.
After about an hour in the swing followed by 45 minutes of a 5 week photo shoot Madelyn got all tuckered out. That means our little one was only held for 22 hours and 15 minutes today. Movin' on up!Good thing is...we love to hold this 5 week old beauty as much as she loves to be held!

After my whining and frustration venting yesterday, I felt terrible. I felt like I didn't deserve to whine. I felt like I didn't deserve to be frustrated. There are so many people going through so much worse. How did I deserve to complain after how far we have come? Then last night I was catching up on a friend's blog and read this post that she wrote when we were in the hospital with Madelyn (click the word post to read what I am referring to). Stacy was talking about how our God is so big that even as He is giving breath and life to those who are unable to breath on their own, He cares about our frustrations...no matter how much they may pale in comparison. He cares about how hard it is for me to watch Madelyn struggle and hurt. He cares.

How thankful I am that we serve a God that is so BIG that He cares about my frustrations that in the grand scheme of things seem so small.

Happy 5 Weeks Sunshine!

*Kathryn

A Better DayI decided since I sounded so blah and whiny yesterday...I would give a little mid day update to say that Madelyn is having a much better day! A better day for Madelyn means a better day for Madelyn's mommy!

*Kathryn

rough day

The smiles that I celebrated so much and melted my heart yesterday were nowhere to be found today. I feel like a broken record when I say this, but it is just so hard to see this little one hurt. I tried so many different things to soothe her. Walking, rocking, the swing, her bassinet, laying on me, just holding her close, laying on the floor together...just about anything and everything you could think of. She actually really liked laying on the floor next to me. I really enjoyed laying next to her. Then we spent time laying on the couch for a little while together...
Once she was wide awake and the happiest she had been all day, I decided we would try to take a few pictures. Bad idea.What was I thinking??

On top of the obvious discomfort she has been having, she hasn't really wanted to eat much today. I am not sure her added medicine is really helping that much, if at all. I am supposed to call the doctor tomorrow to check in after the additional meds on Monday. I guess we will see what he says.

Right now, she is resting peacefully in my mom's arms while I am doing something that I really wanted to avoid (for the sheer fact that I want to really try out what the doctor recommends first and foremost and not do any mommy diagnosing) . Googling. Looking to see what the other mommies of the world wide web have done to comfort their little ones who have had reflux. So far I have found some really bizarre suggestions. An all spinach diet for mom. Allowing baby to be naked all day in order to relieve any pressure on the abdomen. Can you imagine the river of pee?? Not to mention the poop! YUCK! And then I have found some that seem like they might be helpful. We shall see.

I am kind of in a funk tonight. I have found recently that I can be patient about some things. I have actually discovered that in some pretty trying situations I am more patient than I thought I would be. Waiting to bring our baby girl home, then not being able to stay because of flooding...but waiting to figure out what works for treating Madelyn's reflux has left me impatient. I desperately want her struggling to end.

I am so thankful for my sweet girl. Grateful to God that we have this little one, one that we were not supposed to be able to have. I know He has great plans for her. I am confident this too shall pass. ((I am still praying it passes sooner than later)). I know these things in my head. I am trying to convince my heart of them as I sit with her all day and all night and watch her struggle.

I have so loved getting to spend all my time with Madelyn. Even in her pain, just getting to hold her close...whisper in her ear...sing to her...all the things I always dreamed of doing, have brought me great joy.

Gosh, I sound like such a downer tonight...but this is our reality...for today at least. Thank you for joining me in praying tonight and tomorrow are better for Madelyn!

*Kathryn

{something to smile about}

Last night Madelyn had an AWESOME night! She even slept in her swing for over an hour. After that she slept in my arms for 2 hours in between feedings. She did not appear to have too many problems with her reflux. We both enjoyed some much needed rest. Today was just as great for her! Despite a few episodes of reflux that left her a little fussy, she was happy and wide eyed when she was awake.

She even did something super special that made mommy's heart melt today...she smiled. It wasn't in that "I am leaving you a present in my diaper sort of way" either. We were talking and I was making goofy faces and talking in that silly way that babies make all the adults around them talk, and then there it was. And then I talked some more, and there it was again. This afternoon we took a much needed walk. It was much needed for many reasons. The main reason...I needed some sunshine after all this rain we have been having. I am so thankful that Madelyn enjoys our walks! I am going to take advantage of the sunshine again tomorrow before more rain heads our way on Thursday.

Speaking of rain...tonight we loaded up 2 cars with ALL of our* belongings and headed home. This morning when Luke checked on the house, it was just a little damp and did not smell at all. Unfortunately, by the time we got there and unloaded 2 cars full of ALL of our* stuff, more water had seeped in and the smell was starting to come back. Considering the forecast calls for 2-4 inches of rain** on Thursday and there was more water than Luke could suck up with the shop vac and stay ahead of, we loaded up our 2 cars full of ALL our* stuff and headed back to my parents house.

Our* Let me clarify, it's mainly all of Madelyn's stuff. If it was just Luke and I, we might have 2 bags. Instead, we have a full size swing, bassinet, stroller, car seat, bathing incline, a basket of clothes, diaper bag, box of diapers and all the other essentials for our little bundle of joy. It amazes me that a little person of less than 8 pounds could require SO much stuff. But I love every minute of it!

Rain** I am beginning to wonder if Grandma & Grandpa are secretly conducting rain dances at night so that they get to keep their newest granddaughter under their roof a little bit longer! Mom and Dad...if this is happens to be the case...STOP...we promise to come hang out with you often...after all we have gotten used to hot meals & satellite TV...oh and your company of course :)
Now we are pooped. Time for bed. Praying for another night of rest from reflux for this little one.

We are truly blessed beyond measure!!!

*Kathryn

Miss October

You may remember my disappointment when we first found out that Maddie would grace us with her presence in September instead of October. If not, go here if you want to be filled in. Despite entertaining the thought of altering her super cute Miss October outfit to read "Missed October", I decided Maddie is still our Miss October! It's her comeback month! The month she pulled out her ventilator...started regular feedings...and so many other firsts for our girl! So today, Maddie and I had a little photo shoot...ok, so we have a photo shoot every day...but today we had a photo shoot in the outfit that I never thought she would get to wear!
And of course I could not decide which one was my favorite.All though I think this one of just her face is absolutely precious.
Oh! And this one with her hair sticking up over her bow (which I know puts me in the category with the moms who stick giant bows on their girl's heads but I couldn't resist) could be my favorite too.
But this one with her little brown pants all scrunched up that makes her look like a little oompa loompa...it is definitely up there in the favorites.
Who needs just one favorite anyway?? I love them all. I love my girl. And I love pictures. So here you have it folks...Miss October. Birth month or not, October will always be a special month as we remember getting to bring our baby home! I have a feeling that Maddie will be our little Miss November, Miss December, Miss January and on and on and on for many years to come!

This morning I talked to Madelyn's doctor's office about going ahead with the next step in treating her reflux. Friday morning around 6:45am she was in my arms when she stopped breathing again after a little gagging/choking episode. I turned her over when she choked and watched for her to take a breath. She didn't and her apnea alarm went off, so I began to stimulate her. That little episode was followed by a weekend of a fussy little one who was obviously hurting pretty bad. The doctor called in the new medication so we are hopeful that this helps! It is so hard to see her hurt. It's even harder not being able to do anything to make it better. Keep praying for her!

Tonight Madelyn had some visitors.
Little Bo Peep...
and her hungry little sheep stopped by after going to a fall festival. How cute are they?? Of course there are no pictures of Little Bo Peep with her sheep. The sheep didn't think that would be very fun!
The sheep did stop eating and hiding from Little Bo Peep long enough to take this picture with her Uncle Luke. She is so cute. So is he.

Well, I am off to rest while Maddie is napping in her daddy's arms. Praying for rest from the reflux for our little one!

*Kathryn

One Month

Madelyn Kate,
As of yesterday, you are one month old! It amazes me to think of how far you have come. From being born needing just a little help to breath...to the ventilator breathing for you...to the little ONE MONTH OLD beauty breathing on your own that you are...

You seem to change on a daily basis. Your hair seems to be getting longer by the minute. You always want to be held. By always, I mean if we put you down at all you remind us. I think you are just making up for lost time...after all, you spent most hours of your first days in a hospital bed hooked up to machines and monitors.You really only cry if you are put down, hungry or your reflux is bothering you. Your daddy and I hate to see you cry. We are thankful we can fix the first two...and that you have a doctor who is working hard to help your reflux.
You are a good eater!! You eat every 2 hours almost like clock work. Sometimes you want a snack in between. Since the day they started letting me feed you consistently and your IV's came out, you have continued to gain weight. At birth you weighed 6 lbs. 11 oz. and at your lowest (with the added weight of the ventilator and all of your leads and IV's) you weighed in at 5 lbs. 12 oz.! Last week, you weighed 7 lbs. 12.5 oz.!
As your reflux has progressively gotten worse so have your sleeping habits. You actually sleep a lot...as long as you are being held. I guess that means that as your reflux has gotten worse...so have your mommy and daddy's sleeping habits! We don't mind though. We love to hold you!
You seem to have proved your need for a soccer nickname (Mad Kat given to you by your Great Aunt & Uncle) as you LOVE to kick your feet. You have really strong legs that would make Pele proud. When we put you on your tummy for play time, you lift your body up with your legs. I can't wait to coach your first soccer team (if you want to play of course).
You seem to really like bath time. You rarely fuss...as long as the water is warm enough. When you are nice and clean, your hair sticks straight up off of your head! Your daddy and I love to play with your soft hair!
When you do get fussy, you usually try to suck your thumb to calm yourself. If that doesn't work, I give you your paci. You have loved your paci since day one! When you get really mad, you spit your paci out and it lands a foot away!
When you are taking care of business it is SO loud! We crack up every time. Your pediatrician says you take after your daddy. Ahem...I will neither confirm or deny his observation. There is no guessing when you need a clean diaper. Diaper changes are not your favorite...but neither is sitting in poop. This creates a problem.
When you will let us put you in your bassinet to sleep, you have to be swaddled. Even when you are swaddled, you are kicking your feet like crazy!
You really love to watch us when we are talking to you! You have turned everyone around you into a baby talkers. Your daddy especially loves to talk to his baby girl.
In just one month's time, you have brought joy to many, increased the prayer lives of your family, led a stranger to a relationship with Christ, touched the hearts of all who have heard your story and captured your mommy and daddy's in a way that has forever changed us.

My heart is so full when I hold you in my arms. You have taught us to celebrate each day. Today we celebrate one month of life. We love you, Maddie!

*Mom

{if I had blogged}

Yesterday was the first day in a LONG time that I have not been able to blog about our happenings. It's not because there were no happenings. There were definitely lots of happenings to blog about.

I could have blogged about our family outing. Luke and I needed to run errands so we packed Madelyn up and brought her with us. While one of us ran in and bought what we needed, the other hung out in the car with this cutie...
Or I could have blogged about my first "back seat diaper change experience" more correctly titled "back seat diaper change failure". FOUR diapers and a fair amount of runny poop on the back seat later, Madelyn finally had a clean diaper. Luke and I were laughing so hard I could barely get the little one cleaned up! Is there a manual for this that I need to read??I also could have blogged about the fact that I actually put on make up and attempted to fix my hair (after a month, I think I need to hone my "hair fixing" skills). I could have told you about how good it felt to not be in lounge wear and have my hair in a pony tail.
If I had blogged yesterday, I would have told you about the fun evening we had with my family celebrating our October and November birthdays. I love my family. I really love the time we get to spend together...
loving on my nieces...
making this little cutie laugh...
watching as our little one gets loved on...
and enjoying the awesome, incredibly healthy (facetiously speaking of course), traditional birthday dinner that Marlo and I have requested my mom make for our birthday dinner for many years now...complete with Mac & Cheese and fried shrimp!!Or I could have blogged about how Luke and I were so excited to celebrate Madelyn Kate's 1st month of life (which I most definitely will fill you in on with another post later today) and how much our lives are forever changed by the journey this last month has led us on!If I had blogged yesterday I would have had a lot to say. Apparently migraines don't care about blogging, or taking care of one month old babies, or letting your mom get some sleep, or the fact that you have things to do. Last night I had the first migraine I have had in a long time. Definitely a bummer as I hoped they were possibly a thing of the past, but thankful that it is gone now. I am also thankful that my mom was gracious enough to spend her evening holding (because she is so rotten that she will not sleep anywhere but in your arms) Madelyn while I tried to sleep it off. And slept I did. Although now I feel as though I have been hit by a school bus, I feel SO much better than I did for the last 12 hours.

So if I had blogged yesterday, I would have been able to share all of this with you. But I didn't blog yesterday. I blogged today. And there will be more blogging to come...barring any migraines or explosively poopy diapers such as the one I tried to change in the back seat of our relatively new car (OK...so the latter one wouldn't keep me from blogging...unless the explosion landed on my computer...but I just thought I would revisit that fantastic happening of our day one more time).

Let's hope for no migraines and well contained poopy diapers!

*Kathryn