answers

I think I am able to appreciate good days so much more when they follow the bad ones. I don't think it really hit me until about 1 am this morning that yesterday was a hard day emotionally. It was one of the bad ones. I knew that it was not the best, but I don't think I let my mind pause long enough to remind me how terrified I was to see Madelyn in her bassinet not breathing with blue lips. Once she began breathing again, I knew she was Ok. I also knew something was wrong and that any sense of being "out of the woods" was out the window. I knew in my heart it was not just apnea. Luke's first instinct was that it was from choking a little on spit up. I am so thankful that his guess was just about right on and the worst case scenario that was rolling through my mind was wrong.

This morning Madelyn had an upper GI. It was actually rather fascinating. She was placed on the x-ray table and given a bottle that was a mixture of sugar water and barium. The x-ray was a live x-ray so we were able to see the fluid as it went down...and then came back up. This may sound terrible but considering the alternative, I was so relieved that she had obvious reflux!! From what the radiologist said...it was not just your regular case of reflux...it was serious reflux! What can I say...Madelyn likes to do things big! She is one tough little girl though. Even though I am sure it burns and hurts, she has not really cried much with it. She has occasionally been fussy and definitely cringes after feedings, but knowing how much reflux she is having...she hasn't let us know it by her actions (well...unless you count that whole quitting breathing thing she pulled yesterday).

Luke and I are just so excited to have an answer to something. The previous 2 weeks were filled with test after test that we were excited showed there was nothing wrong with Madelyn, but disappointed that we still did not know the cause of her problems. The doctor reiterated the fact that this episode caused by the reflux and all of her previous problems are completely unrelated. He said reflux tends to present itself in babies around week 2 of life and that while in most infants it does not lead to them stopping breathing, it does in some. She falls in to the some. For that reason, we are still going to be sent home tomorrow on the at home apnea monitor for one month. She will also be placed on medicine to treat the reflux. Hopefully the monitor won't have to go off. Our prayer is that she won't be one of the ones that the reflux continues to cause her to quit breathing.

She also had a pH probe put in this afternoon to monitor her for 24 hours. It measures the acidity in your esophagus which should not be an acidic environment. Her little monitor has shown lots of 2's and 4's as well as 7's. This is a more detailed test to see just how bad her reflux really is. It keeps track of all these numbers for 24 hours and we keep a little diary along with it. Then it will all be uploaded in to a computer and read by a doctor out of Dallas.

Here is a picture of Madelyn and her pH probe. She is the cutest little girl...even with this probe stuck down her nose.Today has held exactly what we prayed for...answers. At the same time, in the quiet moments of the day, I have had those creepy little thoughts enter my mind. The kind that you wish would just go away and never return. Like the one that makes me wonder if Madelyn would have had to go through all of this if she had of been born closer to today...our original due date. Did I do something wrong that caused the placenta abruption early on? Would it have been safer for her to wait a little longer to do the c-section. I could go on and on. My mind sure did...all night long...and all day long.

The good news is...she is doing well. This little hurdle is one that is very treatable and more than likely her respiratory problems that she experienced the first 2 weeks of life are over.

She is hanging out in her daddy's arms right now. Sleeping sweetly. Probably dreaming about home. Speaking of home...we get to go back there tomorrow afternoon once she is fitted with the apnea monitor and the pH probe comes out. We will all be dreaming of home tonight.

*Kathryn